He's No Good - Zayn Malik

Chapter 74: Thunder

I wish I could update every 4-5 days, but it takes me like 6-8 hours to write a chapter (yup 90% thinking, 10% writing) and I'm in my final year of school - so yeah that's just not gonna happen .. :S

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Zayn's POV

Friday morning I'm not feeling too bad to be honest, and I slept through the entire night without waking one single time which is definitely progress.

With that said, I can still somehow manage to convince myself that I feel bad enough to allow myself to take a line of the meth I got yesterday. 

However I think maybe if I really tried, I would just maybe be able to resist it, but it's too hard now when I know I have got some right here.

I can't get myself to regret buying it though, and I might as well use the small amount I've got until there is no more left, and then just stop again. Anything else would be a waste - like when I flushed all that c0caine.. 

Having collected my thoughts about this, the first thing I do after getting out of bed, is open up the little plastic bag and pour about half the dose I would normally take out on the black surface of the kitchen counter. 

While rolling up a 5 pounds note, I get my old expired credit card, and use it to sweep the white powder into a thin line.

I can't help but grit my teeth to hold in the pain as I snort the white powdery crystals. I somehow find that hurts a lot more than coke, and of fucking course big red drops start to drip down from my nose and onto the table as soon as I have finished. 

Groaning, I put my hand under my nose and tilt my head backwards while I pinch my nose to try and stop it. 
I guess I just have a sensitive nose, since it also used to happen quite frequently in the past as well, but it's fucking annoying.

When it has stopped bleeding, I clean up the mess with some paper towels and lie down in my bed, as I feel the drugs start to work and everything just starts to feel so good. 

It's like really intense in the beginning -  not quite, but almost like an orgasm that lasts for several minutes - it's quite amazing. 

Thinking back, I don't even remember how I started on c0caine in the first place. The whole drug abuse started with me and my mates smoking a bit of weed and shit, and then we met a consumer of ecstasy and started to take the pills when we were out.
Then shortly after, we got involved with the consumers ourselves, and we did a bit of dealing and stuff, so I tried the powdered form, MDMA - molly - and so I gradually began to take it more and more regularly. And then I guess I tried coke and then meth, as that's what makes all the money, and I just got hooked. 

As much as I hate it, I still sort of miss how it could make me feel though.

**

Instead of taking the car I just walk to school to use some of all the energy I've got, breathing in the air that smells much fresher than normal. I shouldn't be driving anyway.

Honestly I do alright in English class, which is most likely because I can concentrate much better now, as it's like there isn't a single negative thought in my mind. 

I don't think it's very appropriate to be high at school, but I just feel really good.

I'm sitting next to Noel, who is sort of a genius even though he doesn't do much homework or anything. We sit facing away from Jason, Marc and Jade but other than giving them a nod, and sharing a glance with Jade before the class started, I don't speak to them. 

I usually don't really pay attention in English class most of the time because my teacher speaks way too fast and I'm too tired to actually try and really listen, but at the end of the period I've written a good bunch of notes I think.

As we are dismissed I go straight to my next class, doing my best to avoid crowded hallways in case I'd meet Zoe. It seems sort of wrong, but I don't want to see her before the high is over and the drugs are out of my system in an hours or so.  

I can't risk her finding out and breaking up with me, she's too important, and it would absolutely ruin me I think.

I don't want this shit to affect our relationship in any way, or to affect me when I'm with her. 

The dose I took wasn't very big, but according to people like Jade I tend to get extra affectionate when I'm on them, but I don't really notice it myself - other than at that party where my friends and I had just taken each an ecstasy pill, along with a lot of alcohol, and I sort of tried to feel Zoe up or something, whereas Harry thought I was trying to rape her or shit. 

I just need it to help me get over the stress and depressing thoughts that are taking up my mind and for once fucking get over my dad for good. And then I'll stop. 

And with everything I've put her through this week with my dad, and the broken condom, and me being a complete dick sometimes and shit, I just wanna spends some normal time with her without mentioning any of this.

Like I guess I could take her out for dinner or a movie or something, and then go home and fuck her good afterwards - or as a start I could at least try and be nice. She deserves that.

**