Banana Pancakes

Chapter Twenty-One

A week or so later, the chill of November settled over England. Remus was prepared for his thicker sweaters and hot tea, he was ready for the snow and the dead streets. What he wasn't prepared for? His first date with Sirius. Okay, maybe it wasn't a date? He wasn't sure. They were just going out. That's not really a date.. right? Sure, he'd been with only two other guys, but they never took him seriously enough to give him a special date.

Remus was a hopeless romantic, when his mother wasn't teaching him, he'd spend his time with books filled with fantasy and a dash of romance. Even though it was then that he had realized only true love comes from dying moments, he still wanted something true. Something worth every breath, but he wasn't sure he would ever find it.

But maybe Sirius was that chance? Remus didn't feel the same as he had with Marcus, or Angelo. He felt like he could be honest with him. Marcus was just an asshole, only wanted him for sex. Remus ended it the minute he figured it out. Too bad Remus realized a little too late for his own liking. There went Marcus and his virginity with it. It wasn't all bad... well, maybe it was. Remus always tried to convince himself it was fine because he had always wished for love. Marcus was lust, and that was all there was to him.

Angelo had been another story, he was sweet and affectionate, but much too obsessive. Remus was afraid during that short period of time, but it had died out once Angelo had realized Remus didn't love him back. This was the time when Remus had decided to go to public schooling instead of being homeschooled. His mother had taught him for a period of time during his time being at school, she was always in teacher-mode.

And so Angelo backfired. He had a reputation in the school, he was scared of who he was. And Remus assumed he had been the only person Angelo had been with so far. Angelo was the one who created his hell in public school. He was why Remus began doubling his credits so he could just get the fuck out of school and into the real world.

That's why Remus was so ready for December, because then he was out. He was out of his house. He was out of school. I mean damn, he was fully out of the closet, too.

And currently, pacing back and forth in Lily's flat, Remus was reeling over certain conversations he could have with Sirius if he ever became too awkward. Remus always knew he was the epitome of awkward. Maybe it was because of his wonky childhood and the insecurities he had about himself, or maybe it was just how his brain had been wired since day one. He wasn't sure, but he knew he so badly wished he could be confident.

"Wow. Okay, can you stop pacing? You're making me nervous." Lily smiled, trying to have him relax. Remus stopped, he looked at her flipping through a magazine.

"You don't read magazines." Remus pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"I'd like to think they make me look very sophisticated. Forget Buzzfeed and all those apps. I like this ancient piece of pop culture. It is aesthetic. Don't deny it if you took a picture of me reading it right now and changed a filter or two, then posted it on tumblr, then it would get thousands of notes." She smirked, leaning back against the small loveseat she was sitting on.

"I swear. You think you're so different from James, but honestly I don't see a bloody difference." Remus scoffed. Lily laughed and tossed the magazine onto the coffee table before standing up and grabbing Remus by the shoulders.

"Now, what do I always tell you when you're freaking the fuck out?" Lily asked him, her red curls distracting Remus for a moment before he warily looked at her freckled face.

"Um.. to breathe?" He asked, quite confused. Maybe he was just too out of it to even remember.

"No you, git! Make sure your shoulders are down. They're tense as hell." She told him, pushing on his shoulders a little to emphasize her point.