Banana Pancakes

Chapter Twenty-Three

Remus awoke to someone pounding on the flat door. He'd woken up, still drowsy as he checked the alarm beside his bed. It was bloody three in the morning.

He sighed, grabbing a baggy sweater and quickly pulling it over his bare chest. He dragged himself to the front door, amazed that Lily had slept through the loud noise. The banging went on until Remus finally reached the door and wrenched it open.

"What the hell- wait, Sirius? What.. why are you here?" Remus quirked an eyebrow, confused.

Sirius leaned against the doorframe, a cigarette between his teeth, he'd been trying to light it. He looked.. slightly disheveled. His hair seemed wet with sweat, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked like he could drop dead any minute, which very much worried Remus. What Remus really couldn't handle was the foul, most putrid smell of alcohol just emanating from Sirius.

"Locked myself out of my flat.. forgot where.. the key was.." Sirius replied, his words slurring as he spoke. Remus finally snatched the cigarette from his lips, tired of watching the other feebly trying to light it. Remus pitched it, grabbing Sirius by his jacket sleeve. He shut the door behind them before having Sirius sit down on the couch.

Sirius sunk into the couch, relaxing as he looked at Remus sleepily. "You're such a nice.. human being, Remus. That's why I feel so good most of the time, is because of you.."

Remus blushed, he prepared some water for tea before sitting next to Sirius on the couch. "Padfoot, I don't.. what were you doing? Did you and James go out? You smell like you bathed in alcohol."

"Nope. James was doing something important.. with school.. I'm not sure what.. I was bored, so I thought I'd have a drink at the bar down the street." He let out a small hiccup, a sigh soon escaping his lips. "And then.. I had a few more, and I got to think. Why is Sirius Black still on this planet? Why is he a piece of matter when other types of matter are so much better than him? There deserves to be good types of matter, Moony, like you. Rather than matter that has no purpose of existing."

Remus was both shocked, and completely pained by what Sirius had said. He could see the tears creeping into Sirius's vision. Remus's heart ached, a deep ache that ricocheted around in his ribcage. "Pads.. you are good. I see so much good in you, love.." Remus commented, trying to keep himself awake.

With barely any light, except for the stove light coming from the kitchen, Remus reached over and turned a small lamp on before he had Sirius lay down on the couch, his head on Remus's lap. Remus threaded his fingers through his long curls, his brow furrowed with worry as he watched the other boy close his eyes. Tears slid down his cheeks, and Remus made sure to wipe them away. "Sirius, you matter. I'm not sure if anyone knows their purpose, but what I do know is that I really do.. believe you're more light than darkness."

"You know.. when I was a kid, I was told that I would inherit power and wealth from my father. Since I had been.. the oldest. I was such a horrible person.. raised to be a bully. I hurt people for so many years. My parents had never loved me. I did not experience love until my brother was born, and then later when James came along. Everything changed when I was sent to a proper boarding school, one of the best.." Sirius seemed to be mumbling as he told the story, his chest moving up and down with soft breaths. Remus kept running his fingers through his hair, letting him know he was still listening. He wasn't.. sure when Sirius was going to actually talk about.. his past.

"I'd hook up with girls.. because well.. they were girls. Then I had my first kiss with a boy, and I had went down a dark path. I'd been raised my whole life to believe a woman and a man were to be together. I was homophobic and I was full of anger. I began to rebel and my parents had had enough, my father was merciless. I don't even know how many bones he had broken in my body the next few summers to come.." Remus's eyes watered. It was horrendous. He couldn't even imagine.. the pain of his own father breaking his bones. Being so cruel.