World War H
by Reffster
"Last item on agenda, Mr Zombident."
"'Bout time. Me hungry. What is item?"
"Humans."
"Humans?"
"Humans."
"Rarrrhh."
"Rarrrhh indeed, Mr Zombident. Rarrrh, indeed."
"Where humans?"
"Unconfirmed report. Island in Pacific."
"You know that noise that is spelt p, f, f, f, t?"
"Hmm, think so, Mr Zombident."
"Imagine me make that noise."
"Why imagine, Mr Zombident?"
"Me look like me have lips?"
"Sorry, Mr Zombident. So, think report not true?"
"That what me think. No more humans. Only zombies. Report bollocks."
"What bollocks mean, Mr Zombident?"
"Hmm. Me forget. Used to be important, me think. Probably fallen off by now. Oh well. Want lunch?"
"That be lovely, Mr Zombident. What we have?"
"Sigh. Tofu-brains again. Me almost wish report true. Real brains. Mmmmm...."
****
"This look like nice island, honey. We stop here. Get supplies for yacht. Seagull brains. Maybe turtle brains, if we lucky."
"Hmm, me not know, Rarf. Think it safe?"
"Honey, we already dead. How much safer you want?"
"We living dead, smart guy. Me want stay that way."
"You worry too much, Arrrla. You stay on yacht, me get stuff. OK?"
"Fine, me stay and wash hair."
"Which one?"
****
"Drop it, Dan. I'm not going to sleep with you."
"But you said you would, Christina. You said if I was the last man in the world that you'd sleep with me. Well, to the best of our knowledge I am the last man in the world. What's the hold-up?"
"Firstly, to the best of our knowledge you're the last man on this island. Just because we haven't heard anything from the outside world for a while doesn't guarantee there's nobody out there. Secondly, what I actually said was that even if you were the last man in the world, I still wouldn't sleep with you."
"Are you sure?"
"Totally sure, Dan."
"So you're basically saying you'd forgo sex for the rest of your life, rather than sleep with me?"
"Well, duh."
"But I saved you!"
"Dan, I just happened to be in the boat you stole, when the shit hit the fan back on Upolu. I don't think that's quite the same thing."
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