Left beaten, bloodied and bruised in a ditch somewhere, @MadMikeMarsbergen lost the Pot 1 Finals of SmackDown: The Second Coming to @torontojim (who later ended up winning the Grand Finals, too). Now he's back to get some revenge on all you competit...
"To make a complaint. Extra cheese means extra cheese, fucktard. Sort your shit out."
"Yeah? Fuck you, buddy. Get your pizza somewhere else where they actually give a shit what you think."
"Tell you what, how about I come down there and ram my foot so deep in your arsehole you won't be able to tell the difference between your teeth and my toenails."
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the rather charming fellow at Big Dick's Pizza took that as being the opportune moment to terminate the call leaving Mad Mike fuming, spouting profanities and scratching his testicles whilst holding the handset to his ear.
His pointless tirade of fucks, shits and cock-juggling thundercunts over, Mad Mike realised the only way he was going to get justice for the lack of extra cheese was to head on down to Big Dick's Pizza and bitch slap the little dick to hell. He also considered he might recommend the youth take classes in customer service but figured he probably wouldn't bother.
And so with a nine iron in hand, Mad Mike headed angrily to Big Dick's Pizza.
Once there, what he should have done was to park his vehicle a short distance away and use the walk from the car to the takeaway restaurant to work out exactly what he was going to say, what he was going to do, and at what level of non-calm he ought to be but instead, what actually happened was that Mad Mike did not bother parking the car at all, at least not until he had driven it at speed through the front window of Big Dick's Pizza.
He clambered through the window, Dukes of Hazzard style because why not? and set about hitting everyone and everything with the nine iron.
"Give me poor customer service will you, eh?" he yelled though immediately wished he had not done so as the amount of dust in the air was tremendous and he proceeded to cough quite violently for several seconds. "Bunch of cunts! Where's that wanker I spoke to on the phone?"
There was no reply but Mad Mike spotted the guy instantly. He was crying in the corner, huddled like a big biddy baby with an ever-growing pool of piss at his feet.
Mike grinned and made his way over, whereupon he proceeded to beat the youth with the golf club, screaming at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT MAKING SURE MY PIZZA HAD EXTRA CHEESE YOU FUCK!" in a perfectly synchronised vocal and physical assault.
Obviously it was not long before the fuzz showed up with their sirens blaring but when Mike explained the situation they agreed the assault was both warranted and reasonable.
"We'll hold him down, you get your foot in his arsehole," said one of the officers, grinning.
