the rants of life.

April fool's day

Can somebody actually explain the point of April fools day to me please? because I seriously do not understand the obsessions of being a complete nuisance all day, just because the month is April? this is the one day that idiots Like to go all out and blow up a woopee cushion. your mother must be so proud of you, congratulations you can blow up a piece of plastic *insert sarcastic claps*

I'm not a very gullible person, but I do have a lack of an attention span, I could be fully listening to you one second, then I could he asleep on the floor in a lump of Jessica the next, so April fool's will be a problem for me.

There are tv shows that exaggerate the amazingness of 'fools day like, you become prank king or queen who everyone respects, or people stay up until midnight to try and prank eachother, seriously? you're going to lose precious sleep, just to put a bucket of water on the door? well aren't you grown up?

My mum tried to April fool's me once, but it was actually a very heart breaking moment for me. She sat me down, with my brother's and sister and told me that I was adopted and I was a Russian child named Steve, I being a very stupid child believed her, and cried into my pasta for the next three days. Until you know I worked out what  she said. I was Russian, but I couldn't speak the language, I was clearly a girl, but I was called Steve? plus, my mum once told me how she chose my name...let's just say my dad did not agree, but if It was entirely up to my dad, I would probably be a Gertrude or something like that. shoutout to every dad that has never had control of the names you saved us all a few years of being bullied!

l have dark memories of April fools day, when i was about 12 one of my friends thought it would be smart to hide my dearly beloved gummy bears from me. I went crazy, because I was gummy bearless. that was not cool. never Seperate me from gummy bears if you value your life. luckily, some people's April fool's fail, so I laugh at them. ha ha ha. For example, Aston merrygold from JLS tweeted a phone number and said it was one of his band members numbers, so the stupidly gullible population of girls, trust that and start harassing the number, not knowing it is some poor souls work number. To the man, who now has to deal with a collection of crazy fangirls, I feel your pain...

I lie, I feel nobodies pain.

(shh, don't tell anyone)

I have a pretty clear plan; anybody tries to prank me this year, I will pelt you in the throat with jelly beans. lethal things they are, you do not want to feel my wrath unleashed through candy do you?

we all know what comes after April fool's day right? April showers. I suggest we all hide out this April, and watch adventure time until the characters come crawling out of our noses. seriously, imagine if Jake or rainicorn came out of your nose...*shudders*

I hope you all still read this with the same fading enthusiasm as you probably started with but hey, if things are really gloomy down your end, just remember, I'm in England, the country that seems to want to kill everything remotely happy with rain. Enjoy y'all easter people, and I should update again soon, I'm sorry if its late, I've probably gotten fat off chocolate, and moving around would have become a struggle...EASTER HERE I COME!

*freeze frame for effect*