Hiding My Life (On Hold)

Chapter Twenty-Five

Clary's POV 

"Daddy, I'm not going to be home for a while, I'm at the hospital." 

"Hospital? Why? Are you hurt? Are you okay?" Dad's worried voice came through the phone as I slowly paced the hallway. 

"I'm fine. I'm here with a girl that I talked off of a ledge. Literally. I need to stay with her. Can you go and help Jon watch Lily?" 

"Yeah. Let me know what's going on, okay?" 

"I will. Love you, daddy." 

"Love you more, princess." He hung up the phone and I walked back into Sarah's room. 

"Will it ever get better? These feelings, seeing him every time I close my eyes? Does it ever stop?" I glanced over at Blake sitting on the couch, watching our encounter. 

I sat down beside her on the bed. "I wish I could say that it does, but it doesn't. Maybe, in a few months, you'll stop seeing his face every time you close your eyes, but it could last longer, I don't know. Every woman is different." 

"When did it happen to you?" I sighed. 

"It happened more than once. Started when I was four and stopped when I was fifteen. You want my story?" She nodded. "I started out in a great life, a nice house, a good mom, but my father and brother left when I was little, after my parents got divorced. Mom started to get into drinking, became an alcoholic, then got into drugs. 

She had spent so much of her money on booze and drugs, that we had to move to the projects when I was four. That was when she started sleeping with men that were not the greatest, for many reasons. After a little while of this going on, the men would sneak into my room after my mom had fallen asleep. 

I said 'no' many times, but that meant nothing to him. He couldn't fit in me, so he used his fingers instead, but this continued for so many years with many different men, all because I was afraid to tell anyone. My friends knew, but no one else. 

I have been to therapy and I can honestly say that it helps. It may not feel like it at first, but with time, it helps. It helps you learn about what you're feeling and that it's okay to feel whatever that is. 

With time, I can't say that it got better for me, but it is bearable now. Though, I do still sometimes have nightmares and that's okay. I went through a horrible life before I got to my good one, you just have to pass the bad times before you can get to the good times." 

"You have a good life now?" She sniffled and wiped her tears away. 

"I do. I have a wonderful home, a beautiful baby girl, an amazing family. And, I know that all of this seems unrealistic to you right now, but you will be okay. You will recover, even if it takes years." She nodded. 

"Can I go back to sleep now?" I nodded and stood up. 

"I'll come back and visit you tomorrow, okay?" She nodded. 

"Thank you." I smiled. 

"Anytime, Sarah." Blake held the door for me and we both walked out. 

"You went through a lot." 

"I did. Not something I wanted to tell you on our first date though." He smiled. 

"I'm glad that I know." 

"She's right in here." Sarah's doctor led a couple to the door. 

"She's sleeping. Might want to leave her be for now." I said and they looked to me. 

"Who are you?" 

"I'm the one that talked her out of jumping off that building." The blonde haired woman sobbed and hugged me tightly before returning to her husband's side. 

"Thank you so much." 

"I was happy to do it. But, you should know some things about what's going to happen when she leaves here." 

"What things?" The husband asked. 

"She will have nightmares and no matter what she says to contradict it, she does need and want you to comfort her. She might wake up screaming, have some sensitivity to physical contact, anything could happen. But, constantly asking if she's okay, it's going to annoy the hell out of her and cause her to push you away. So, maybe ask only once a day. Don't leave any medicines in your bathroom. You need to find her a good therapist, I can recommend a few if you'd like." 

"I couldn't have said it better myself." I looked to the female doctor. "You're a survivor?" I nodded. "That's how you were able to get her down. You knew everything that she was feeling." 

"Yeah. I'll be back tomorrow to visit." Her parents nodded. 

"We appreciate everything you've done for her." 

"Have a good night." I walked past them and out of the hospital, Blake trailing behind me as we got into a cab. 

"Well, tonight definitely did not go as I expected it to. But, nonetheless, I enjoyed my time with you." 

"I did, too. Hopefully, we could do it again." 

"We will. Next Saturday?" I smiled. 

"Sure. Pick me up at seven." 

"Happily." I got out of the cab and so did he. 

"What are you doing?" I asked. 

"I'm walking you to your door." 

"No offense, but I'd rather you not, 'cause my dad is definitely going to grill you about why you kept me out so late." 

"That's fine, too. I'll see you next Saturday." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Clary." 

"Goodnight, Blake." I walked inside the building and nodded to the janitor before heading upstairs in the elevator. 

I wanted to smile, loving how it felt when he kissed my cheek, but I couldn't stop thinking about Sarah.  

When I walked inside, I was met with the sight of dad asleep on the couch with Lily sleeping on his chest and Jon asleep on the floor. 

I quietly took off my shoes and carefully picked my daughter up, cradling her in my arms as I walked up the stairs. 

Making it to her nursery, I changed her diaper and laid her down in her crib. "I will never let anything happen to you, Lily. Never." 

She will never go through what I did. 

Not if I can help it.