Hiding My Life (On Hold)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Clary's POV

"Babe, what happened last night?" Blake and I still laid in bed at right in the morning, cuddled up to each other.

"You know that I have issues with Jocelyn, my mother."

"I do." He kissed my shoulder from behind.

"She called my dad and told him that she misses me, that she was sorry and dad tried to get me to give her a chance. But, I can't. I just can't.

"Why?"

"Because, when I look at her, I see everything that happened to me as a kid, as a teenager, I see everything that I wish I could forget."

"That makes sense. But, why does it seem to bother you so much when people ask you to give her a chance? You get defensive." I sighed as my tears fell.

"I wished that she would die." My voice cracked.

"What?"

"When I was a kid and a teenager, I used to pray to god and I'd beg for him to kill her. Make her OD, get shot, run over by a car. I used to fantasize about her death because of everything that happened. She ruined me so badly that I prayed for someone's death. Multiple people's deaths. That's not who I am. No matter what, I don't want someone's death to be my fault. But, back then, with my nightmares and all of the issues that I had because of her, I hated her so much that I prayed for her to die. She created that horrible part of me and even though I'm older, that part is still somewhere inside of me and I hate knowing that."

"Oh, Clare." He turned me around and wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his bare chest. "I'm sorry. So, so sorry."

For a while, we just laid there while he comforted me. But, then we realized that we needed to get up and he let me go shower while he went to wake Lily.

Later, I dropped Lily off at daycare and started my walk to work. I find it calming.

"Clary?" I froze at the voice.

"Jocelyn." I turned to face her.

"Is there any way that you might have time for coffee?" I sighed. "Please? One coffee." I took a deep breath and nodded, leading her into Java Jones.

"I can't stay long, I have work." She nodded in understanding as we ordered our coffees and sat down at a table.

"Where do you work?"

"An art gallery not far from my apartment. I own it, actually."

"Not that place 'Just A Dream'?" I nodded. "I was just there last weekend. You have some amazing work."

"Thanks." I took a sip of my coffee.

"So, you ever get married to that blonde guy?" I laughed lightly.

"Hell no. He actually left me when I was in surgery having a C-section. Haven't seen him in two years."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I got a beautiful baby out of it and as of last month, a new fiancé." She smiled and looked down at my ring.

"Congratulations. I love that you have such a good life. How is your baby?"

"She's great, just turned two a few months ago."

"Any plans for more kids once you're married?" I smiled.

"Well, it'll be before we get married."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pregnant." She smiled brightly.