Dear Self - May

Letter #8

Dear Self,

Guess what! I am attending class regularly now. Unlike before. Somehow in some way talking to people really helped. I saw you today. I saw you smiled. Though even if it’s only a small smile, I am glad it’s not a fake one. You’re slowly getting there. As for other dramas, let’s just hope they will fix themselves up. Let’s hope.

Unfortunately, he is still in your mind…it can’t be helped, it hasn’t been long since everything happened but I know you are trying. You are trying to be okay. At least that is all that matters. But you are such a pig! Eating ice cream is fine but you actually stuffed yourself with other more sweets. I understand that you are sad but don’t. It’s bad for your health. Do you want to throw up again? Then again, even if you ate a lot last night, you didn’t eat at all today. It is like a roller coaster you know.

At some point you’ll feel fine and then when you remember, you’ll feel down. Your emotions changes every second of the day but the good thing is sad songs don’t bring you down that much as before (ha ha). Speaking of songs, your brother made you listen to the song he sent you didn’t you? How do you feel about that?

Are you okay?

I am okay. But I’d be lying if I say I don’t think about him and I don’t miss him. The more I hear about the song he sent me, the more I think about of what he and I had. What did we have exactly? I am not sure anymore. I have no idea. But I sure do miss his voice. Especially when he sang to me. When he especially sang to me…

I remember the first time. He felt really nervous and he kept blaming you. Why did he blame you exactly? He said, you make him nervous and he is nervous because you are watching him and he is singing to you. His face blushed and he asked if he could stop singing but then he continued anyway because your smiling face was about to turn into a frown.

I know remembering him is stupid enough in my part but that no longer makes me sad. Somehow, in some way I just hope everything works out.

I just hope he is fine.

I am still in pain.

That can’t be avoided.

It won’t but memories are stored in my head so they’ll be hard to erase. I hope you understand that he made you happy at the very least.

I don’t hate you.

I just want you happy.

A~