Dear Self - May

Letter #22

Dear Self,

Sickness travels through the air. Who would’ve thought that its next target is you? Weakness eats you away shortly as it takes its time spreading through your body and soon you’ll feel it creeping till you experience dizziness, strange hunger, sneezing, cold, and increasing body temperature. Sometimes, you are not even hungry. You’d feel the need of hitting your head on the wall because it hurts. Your head aches worsen till no longer are you able to think straightly. Unable to concentrate the things at hand, let alone pay attention to your surroundings till you black out and soon be lying on the ground, on that cold surface that soon will numb your body but cradle it at the same time. Though it will have people staring and murmurs will fill the air traveling words that are not even real.

You find yourself at home without any recollection of that previous incident that happened earlier on. You’d wonder how you got to your bed, feeling sick and tired. Physically and emotionally tired. You sneezed and then a second later, it happened again. You said you’ll be fine but you didn’t. Now, I am sad to say that you have a fever. It’s not even a serious sickness but you are still pushing yourself too hard because you have an exam that you can’t miss. You know you already missed out a lot in life, why miss out this one that might lay out your future, right?

(I’m not going to risk it.)

You ate and made sure you drank your medicine so you can continue studying. Your head still hurts. You moaned and cried out in pain but you didn’t want anyone to help you. I looked at you directly in the mirror and I see a very fragile girl who needs her rest so bad but she can’t yet. She cannot go ahead and sleep yet. Not yet. Not yet.

Not yet.

You are stronger than that. You are made out of something stronger. You can do this. Probably. Probably not. Then again, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Nothing, right?

Because of your head aches you didn’t really think of anything in particular except school work and your work. You want to finish up with school work and study. You want to change your work availability so you can rest later maybe but still, you want more hours so you can save up money. Probably, you shouldn’t push yourself that hard since summer vacation is approaching. When you get better, you can work as much as you want so you can forget… and maybe, decide to have a little break yourself. Something and some time to think and to be able to relax at the very least… At least.

What accompanied you most today though is your constant sneezing, maybe it is a reminder that at least, getting sick isn’t a bad thing and that you are still living, don’t you think? You can actually rest right after your exams and catch up on sleep. I just hope your mind will be at peace and your sleep will have no visitation of either your foolish dream from your fantasies and nightmares. No visitation of him especially.

Rest is the one thing you need most.

So, rest.

Sleep.

I’ll take over from here.

Rest assured.

A~