Hold Me Tight (A Michael Clifford fanfic)

Ch.20

In the hours before dinner we all just kind of hung out. It was a pretty boring day after we left McDonalds. For dinner we had leftover Chinese food. After dinner I went up to my room and pulled out my notebook. My notebook is sort of like my diary, it has songs, poems, and drawings in it. I pulled out a pencil and just let my thoughts take over. "She has her story written on her arms

it has no dates yet you can tell by how faded the pencil marks are,

she worshiped her pencil

but her pencil was poison

she loved her pencil though,

she loved it so much that one day she used it to end her story." (I just wrote that, sorry if its stupid.) Yeah it's sad, it's about suicide, but that just what I write about. I don't mean for it all to be sad, it just is, that's how my mind works I guess. Just then there was a knock on my door. "Come in" I said the door opens and it's Ashton. "Oh hey Ash, what's up?" "Hey K, do you have a minute" "yeah sure, come on in" I say as I close my notebook and put it on my nightstand. "What's that" he asks as he shuts the door and walks over to my bed. "Nothing" "ohh a diary" he teases "no Ash, it's not a diary" "so what did you want to talk about" "I wanted to see if you were ready to talk about what happened today" "maybe, only if you tell me why I couldn't meet fans with you" he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Well you kind of already found out so I guess I'll tell you. I know you know kids from your school like us" I nod my head "well I know they bully you and they felt the need to say some nasty things about you on our twitter, I was afraid of what they'd say in person after I saw what they were willing to say to us on twitter." "Oh, well thanks for trying to protect me" "now you tell me what happened in the bathroom" "ok, so I was washing my hands and the three of them came in and backed me in the corner saying that we were gonna have a talk and they were mad that I made them look like bullies infront of you guys. One of them grabbed my arm and said they knew it wasn't an accident and that I should've cut deeper to bleed out and I just asked them to let me go but they wouldn't and just said that you were there to save me now and I asked them to let me go again and that's when Michael came in." "K, what did you do with the blade you used yesterday?" "I flushed it this morning" "good. Do you have anymore?" Oh how easy it would be to lie right now and keep my other pretty little blade tucked away for the next time I want it, but I want to stop so I sigh and say "yes" "where is it?" "It's in the bathroom" "where in the bathroom" "bottom drawer" he gets up of my bed and walks into my bathroom and opens the bottom drawer. "Where, I can't find it" I get up off the bed and walk into the bathroom as I say "I know, that's the point of hiding it" and I pull the drawer all the way out and grab the blade that was pressed flush against the back wall. "Here" I say as I drop it in his hands. He walks over to the toilet and flushes it down the toilet. We walk back over to my bed to continue talking. "Do Harry and Lauren know?" "They know about the suicide attempts, obviously, I don't think Harry knows about the cutting but I think Lauren does. Lauren knows I'm bullied but neither of them know the extent of it." "How long?" "I did it a little bit when I was 14 but stayed clean for awhile but after you started leaving a lot I started again, but it wasn't like when I was 14, I was doing almost everyday and it was a lot, and on the days that the bullying was really bad I would do even more." "How come you never told me?" "Because, I didn't want you to worry about me" "well I was pretty damn worried yesterday" "I'm sorry" "it's ok K, if I hadn't found you yesterday who knows how often you would've continued to do it." "Ok, one more question. What's going on with you and Michael?" I huffed and and rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Nothing Ashton, god" and I rolled over. "

Ashton's P.O.V

"Nothing Ashton, god" bullshit. She's lying right to my face. "Fine Kirsten, don't tell me." I got up off the bed an walked out. I decided to go get ready for bed, it was only 8:12 but there wasn't anything else to do. Michael was laying in his bed when I went in and I said "look Michael, I don't know what's going on between you and my sister, she won't tell me, but whatever it is, I will find out." "There's nothing Ashton. I know she's your sister so of course you're going to be protective but there is nothing going on." I still don't believe him.

Kirsten's P.O.V

After Ashton left I went back to my notebook. I just drew random pictures for a few hours. I ended up stating up later than the other boys because I slept a lot today. Around 11:30 I started getting tired so I put on some sweatpants and a sports bra and took my makeup off and got into bed. At 12 I heard my door open. I shot up and saw it was Michael. "Dear Jesus Michael, you scared the shit out of me." I said putting my hand over my racing heart. "I couldn't sleep and I wanted to see if you were awake. Can I cuddle?" I could hear the puppy dog eyes in his voice. "Michaelll" I complained as he got in my bed with me. "Ashton's going to see you in the morning." "Not if I do this" he said as he got back up and locked the door and got back in bed. "Micheal" I started to protest. "Just go to sleep love." He said as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. I would've protested more but I was really tired so I slipped into a blissful sleep.