Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Sixteen: Don't Wanna Think

Camila

"Girlfriend? I never agreed to that! I would never be your girlfriend! You're an emotional wreck that I could never learn to love." Venomous words spewed from those ruby red lips I loved. The woman I was falling for this week disappeared and she was replaced by someone else.

The moment those words left her lips, I slapped her. It was a natural reaction. I was stunned and I was shocked that she would tell me something like that. We had just been fine. We had been close and sharing kisses all week. Then she ran. She ran away and came back to her house with those vicious words.

Why would she tell me to decide and she would be fine with it if she wasn't? Why would she go and treat me like I was the only thing in the world  and then go and break me even more? Why would she even show she cared for me when it didn't seem like she didn't? Why did I even decide to come back for more heartbreak? Why did I trust her with my heart?

"You have no right to call me an emotional wreck when you don't even know who you were after we were done. I'm not the emotional wreck. You're the emotional wreck who doesn't know when to let go."

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I should have never said those words to her, but I was dying from what she had said. I felt the need to strike back, to attack her in ways that I knew she wouldn't understand but it would feel so good for me to let out. That's what I thought would happen. I thought it would feel good. All I felt was guilt pour over me and drench me in it. What should have felt good, felt like I took the knife and plunged it into her heart.

I left that night. I left and I ran away this time. I ran away as far as I could go. I went back to LA and I told everyone Lauren would be here tomorrow like planned. They asked me why I didn't come with her, but I told them that Lauren wanted to spend the last day with her family before she would be away for awhile. Ally was the only who seemed to believe my lie. Dinah and Normani not so much. They didn't say anything, but from the incredulous looks they shared before me, I knew they didn't believe me.

Lauren showed up the next day as planned. She looked a wreck. She had bags under her eyes, her face was dark and broody and she hardly said anything. When Ally asked her about spending time with her family, she looked at me before answering and confirming what I had said. I never told her to confirm my lie. She did it all on her own. I could only assume she didn't want to share with the girls what happened the night before.

For the day, we decided to go out and have fun; something we hadn't done since the night at the club. It was more than a month since we had gone out to have fun. Lauren and I decided to be civil with each other. We weren't clinging on each other like we had when I spent almost a week in bliss with her. We just acknowledged that the other one existed in our life. 

Dinah tried to get me alone multiple times and Normani did the same. Every time they would try to corner me, I would somehow find a way out of it. I tried to use Ally as a shield from them. Eventually they would corner me and I would have to spill; just not today. Today both of us, Lauren and I, would pretend everything was okay when it wasn't.

"I'm so excited we're going to be dropping a new album at midnight and then we'll be going to Peru in a couple of weeks!" Ally was the most cheerful person I knew. I swear this girl could find light in every dark moment. Plus she was a little oblivious. Well with the whole thing that was happening. Unless she was faking it and she knew everything that was going on. She was mother hen after all.

"I'm kind of excited to see what the fans will think about it. They're always so passionate about what we put out and it's great to scroll through Twitter reading their tweets to us." I commented. My voice was a little monotoned when I spoke. I couldn't put too much emotion into it with the way I was feeling. Seeing Lauren only intensified my guilt over what happened the previous night.