Amnesia (Camren)

Epilogue

2020

Camila

"I think it's time. 5H is no more and there's no bullshit PR to hold us back, I think we should just say it."

"It's not my fault that when you left, they put me as the front woman." Lauren laughed.

I groaned. "So it's my fault? At least when they tried to do PR with me, they didn't pick some guy who went against what I stood for. And I never was filmed trying to buy bongs with the guy." I pointed out, remembering the video I saw of Lauren with Ty 'Loser Sign' picking out a bong like it was some fine China for their wedding.

She laughed again. "Is someone jealous? Because we can go bong shopping together if you want."

"Shut up, you pothead." My tone was light and playful. She laughed like I had told her one of my cheesy jokes. "Anyway-back to the point of this conversation-I think it's time. Don't you think?"

"Time for what? You're going to have to be more specific if you want me to understand what you're talking about."

"You know what I'm talking about."

"The pothead doesn't have a clue about what you're trying to hint at."

"Talking in the third person now? Really?"

"Yeah. Lauren wants to know what Camila is talking about."

"No, you just love hearing me say it out loud. Don't try to deny it."

"Lauren wholeheartedly agrees. She loves hearing her girlfriend say it out loud."

Girlfriend. Yeah, she was mine. I still couldn't get over that. We had spent more time apart than together these past 3 years and few months, but our relationship had not had the same treatment. We had been together for all those days. There had been no breakups. We had stuck it out, leaning on one another when times got tough. There had been moments when we had doubted ourselves and we had come close to it, but we usually came to our senses when we talked it out.

"Where is she? Camz?"

Oh God, oh God, oh God. I was losing it and imagining Lauren was here. I had to get it together long enough to get out of this shower, call Roger and tell him to push back the release date of my album.

It wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. My fans weren't going to be ready. Oh my--Lauren wasn't going to be ready. There was going to be lots of speculation and obviously the speculation was warranted. They were going to know all my thoughts. They were going to know my heartache and the things I did. They were going to know my inner secrets. So much was going to be put out in 10 songs. I was going to be naked for all to see.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. No. I couldn't do this. No, no, no.

I rocked gently, holding tightly to my legs as the water that was coming through the shower head completely soaked me to the bone.

"Camzi. Baby."

"You're not here. It's all in my head." The water ran down by lips, falling into my mouth as I spoke. I inhaled slowly, filling up my lungs to help me with the panic attack that had manifested in a very small amount of time.

"Camila!" My eyes sought out her figure as her voice echoed in the bathroom. Lauren was standing there. Was it really her?

Who I assumed to be Lauren moved forward and opened the door to the shower.

"Lo? ...Is it really you?"