Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Thirty-Five: Fool for You, Part One

Lauren

Quite frankly, I didn't know what day it was or the hour. From the sun setting, I had to guess it had to be around 5 or 6 in the afternoon. At least that's what I was assuming through the blurry vision I've had since I walked away.

I brought with me Jack, Jim, Captain Morgan and several other great companions that would bring me the best comfort in this time of need. They were the only friends I would ever need.

Who needed Camila Cabello?

Not me.

Who was Camila Cabello?

Never heard of her.

Was I better off alone?

Oh yeah. Just me and my boys. That's all I needed.

Leaving was the best decision I made.

I've been acting a fool. Reading Camren fanfic? Acting like a puppy around Camila, hoping she would pick me?

Pathetic.

Lucy would be proud of me for leaving. I knew she would. She always said Camila was toxic for me and she was right.

Some days, I still felt the pressure and the guilt over being alive. But there was nothing I could do. I had no control over it. I had to remember that things happened for a reason. It was horrible that Lucy died and I survived but she was in a better place now. I had to remain positive. It was the only way to move forward and as long as I had alcohol, I could keep the voices at bay and she who shall not be named.

"Here's to Lucy," I said out loud as I took a shot of Captain Morgan. The intoxicating liquid slid down my throat smoothly, void of a burning sensation since I was on my third bottle of the day, or night or whatever time that it was.

I slid down onto my couch, relishing in the warmth and beautiful high I got the longer I drank.

I was a fool for her. Why? Why was I like this? Why did I let her manipulate me? Why did I love her so much and hate her at the same time? Why couldn't my hear listen to my head? Why couldn't it just obey the commands my brain set for it? Why did it walk down the wrong stretch of road every single time? It always went the wrong way and when it finally made its way back, bandage and bruised--with more cuts and wounds than the last time--only to leave once more and repeat the same tragic mistakes from the first time around.

I could have been with Brad. I could have stayed with Luis. Hell, I could have stayed with Lucy. But no, my heart wanted Camila.

We were both idiots, my heart and me. Fucking idiots.

Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep, Camila the last thing on my mind before everything went dark.

"If you keep opening and closing those damn cabinet doors Chris, you're going to wake her up and you know how she is when she wakes up before she's ready."

"Relax. She's not going to wake up that easily."

"Too late. What are you two idiots doing here?" I groaned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes before shifting around on the couch until I could find my balance to get up. Once up, I grabbed Jack off the coffee table and chugged a great portion of it. The numb feeling was wearing off and the only way I could recharge it was downing a pint from one of my buddies here.

"Oh, Lauren," Taylor uttered softly before I turned to see where she and Chris were in the room. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

I ignored her question and glared at Chris instead, who had stopped going through my kitchen cabinets.