Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Gone Away

Listen to the song as you read this part. Just a little suggestion.

Camila

"Sorry I can't answer your call right now. I must be a little busy, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

I hung up the phone and called again, just so I could hear her voice again. I called her voicemail. I had to be able to hear it one last time.

"Sorry I can't answer your call right now. I must be a little busy, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

I was this close then... Well, I lost it all. Why did life always have to happen when things were going to reach a point where things would have some resemblance to the life we once had?

Shoving my phone into my purse, I made the trek across the cemetery to the funeral services that were about to commence. I was one of the last ones to show up. I couldn't leave when the girls left for the services. I could barely keep myself together.

I fought the urge to pull out my phone one last time to hear her voice, to remind myself of what could have been.

Spotting the girls, I made my way to them. Next to them were the Jauregui and Vives families. The men were solemn while the women were in tears. Looking around, there was hardly any dry eyes in the crowd of people gathered around the casket which was ready to be lowered to the ground. It was expected when the person who died was so young. If I hadn't cried my eyes out a week ago, I would be crying too.

"Dearly beloved... We are gathered here to say goodbye to a wonderful person who was taken away before her life could begin. She was loved dearly by her family and friends..."

I tuned out the pastor as he spoke. I made it so he became white noise, something that I needed to still hear so I would have a grip on reality, but far enough from my mind that I could forget why I was here.

My eyes scanned the crowd looking over everyone as they cried. Papa J was so quiet. It was so weird to see him so serious. He liked to be goofy and have a good laugh. This was the polar opposite of his usual self. The last time he was like this was--well when Lauren had the first accident. He was devastated. Especially when it started to affect his relationship with Clara. It was a huge strain. I couldn't begin to imagine how hard this was hitting them both.

Clara was leaning into Mike's side, grasping onto him for comfort. I swallowed and turned away. I wish I could have that. I wish someone was here to hold my hand, to tell me everything was going to be okay. If Lauren was here, she would have held my hand. She would be telling me that everything would be okay. But she wasn't. She wasn't here. She was... I couldn't bring myself to even think about it.

My eyes locked with Ally's. She gave me a small nod, far from her usual joyful smile.

No one could be themselves during a funeral. You were either a little awkward because you weren't sure if you could smile or acknowledge that life went on. Or, you were a complete utter mess of a human being, crying your eyes out throughout the whole day and perhaps for the rest of the week until you couldn't possibly cry one more tear. I didn't fall into the latter. I had spent every tear. There were none left for me.

"Mija..." My mom tapped on my shoulder. "The eulogy." She motioned with her head to where the pastor was waiting for me to step forward.

The eulogy. Right. I was supposed to say something. Beautiful, thoughtful words were supposed to flow out me and paint a picture for all to see. Except, I didn't have words ready. I didn't want to share my thoughts with anyone here.

Everyone gathered was staring at me and waiting for me to say something.

I cleared my throat and stepped forward.