Through Heaven or Hell (William Macbeth X Female Reader)

Fading From Mind

Will was freaking out. His memory was beginning to fade. Did this always happen to him? He couldn't remember if he had ever been awake while Despair was in control. He simply had no clue what was going on with him.

Although, whatever Despair had made him do was clearly affecting him in some negative way. After all, he had woken up in the alleyway with a headache and he was sobbing.

But since he had come back to his apartment, whatever had made him feel so guilty and heartbroken had faded almost to nonexistence in his memory. The only clues he had were the dark bruises and indentations on his wrists and the blotchy bruise that ringed around his neck.

"Wh-what did I do?" he whimpered, staring at the injuries. He had been wondering the same thing on the way home. In the back of his mind, he vaguely remembered a small being - decidedly not human, he discovered when he had awoken - trying to run away. But he didn't know what from.

Terror was beginning to spin out of control at the thought. What had he been doing? He felt sick to his stomach at the thought of almost killing the creature. Or maybe not even almost killing. It had looked fairly dead when he saw it lying just a few feet from him. Its mouth had been covered in odd purple gunk that Will had assumed was its blood.

Another horrible thought occurred to him. He had been with (Y/N) last, right? So...

Did I get out in time? Did I run away fast enough?

He desperately hoped so. If he had hurt (Y/N)...

He felt like vomiting. Or maybe he was about to actually vomit. Hurting anybody was the last thing he wanted to do. If Despair had done anything horrible to her or Mary, Will would be furious. Panicking, true, but furious nonetheless.

He briefly considered calling the girl before remembering that he didn't have her phone number. All he had was Leo's, and Will wasn't too certain about contacting him. Running out of the frozen yogurt shop probably looked like he was trying to run away from (Y/N). And, while he thought the world of the (H/C)-haired girl, he knew that she probably told at least Leo of her uncertainties.

He paused, suddenly wanting to bash his head in. Yes, he truly couldn't control his actions in the slightest if Despair was in control - long periods of blank, gaping holes in his memory proved just that. He didn't want any harm to befall (Y/N) - he knew that with every fiber of his being. He didn't know if he loved her, or if she even liked him, but he knew he would do anything to protect her. To protect anyone, really. He knew that with his heart and soul.

But (Y/N) probably hated him now. From her eyes, he abandoned her when she needed him most. He couldn't even go and double check with Leo about what to do because Leo was probably as pissed off at Will as (Y/N) was.

"Wow, Macbeth," Will growled, "you've really screwed it up this time, haven't you?"

Abandoning the girl he liked while she was still suffering... how absolutely chivalrous of him. And here his twin sister thought that (Y/N) might like him back. Well, he certainly made sure that any sort of relationship with the wild girl was completely impossible.

He groaned, struggling to his feet, ignoring the ache that spread throughout his entire body. Stumbling, he found himself in the bathroom, where he flipped on the light switch. He blinked away the stars from his vision before focusing his foggy vision on his own reflection.

Wincing, he lightly brushed a finger over the mark on his neck, the angry red beginning to fade into a dark purple. He almost started crying at the sight of his wrist by his neck.

His glasses were missing as well. He didn't know where Despair would toss them whenever he took control, but every time Will awoke, they'd either be gone for good or placed carelessly in the pocket of his coat.

Well, not his coat. Will knew for a fact that he had never bought a blue overcoat. He only ever bothered to buy hoodies. It had only appeared in his closet after Despair took over one time and, knowing the demon, he probably just stole it from some sort of store.

He grit his teeth, trying to ignore the tears that burned in his eyes. He didn't know if he was about to cry because of the pain that jolted through his body in dull and occasionally sharp waves or if he was about to cry about his entire situation. It was probably a combination of the two.

Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow, you're going to try to patch things up with her. Through Leo.

He winced once again at the thought. His plan would really only work if Leo was willing to talk with him. And if he actually ended up calling his friend. Knowing how cowardly he was, Will knew he probably wouldn't end up calling his friend.

Wimp.

He glared at himself in the mirror.

He knew that he deserved this. He deserved never seeing (Y/N) again. She was perfect and he was a monster. He freaking allowed a demon to take over his body.

"Maybe it would be better if I just died," he mused aloud, still glaring at his face in the mirror. His tears had since boiled away in his anger at himself.

There was only silence in response, but Will knew better. He knew Despair would love taking control, having his body to himself. He wouldn't allow the demon that pleasure.

If Despair were to take over, he'd probably end up hurting the ones Will cared for anyway.

Stop it, Will chastised himself. Don't... don't kill yourself. He forced his eyes away from the mirror, unable to continue looking at himself in shame.

"You'd never see her again," Will murmured quietly to the ground. For a second, he didn't know which girl he was talking about - (Y/N) or Mary. Both were amazing.

But then he knew. He knew that he was thinking of the vibrant girl who had knocked him to the ground when they had first met. He knew he was talking about (Y/N) (L/N).

He felt guilty. He didn't know what his twin would think, knowing that Will was putting her second to a girl that he had only just recently met.

True, he adored his sister with all his heart. He loved how she stood up for him ever since they had been kids, he loved her words of comfort. If (Y/N) suddenly decided that she would leave Hellsalem's Lot, Will would always be by his sister's side.

But since meeting (Y/N)... he felt like he was alive again. He felt like he was ready to take on the world. And he didn't want to lose that chance with her.

He scrambled for his phone, suddenly desperate. He flipped through his contacts list until he found Leo's.

Taking a deep breath, Will began to type.

Tell her I'm sorry...

(A/N): Hello once again. It's been awhile.

My life has been pure hell since the last time I posted haha

We moved and we're finally at my new home, but not without losing a couple things in the process (i.e. one of my cats got really hurt and we had to put him down, my will to live died as school started up again, etc.)

But! I am back!

Updates will be sporadic though - apologies