Pathfinder

Part 1 - 5

FIVE – LEXI

Shit, I'd left my backpack in Brody's car, I realized as I got ready for school the following day. I wasn't sure if he'd realize that fact, and bring it to me, and I had no way of getting ahold of him. I didn't have his cell phone number and I wasn't going to call his house. There is no way I would risk having to talk to his family. Today was Friday, so there would be a basketball game. I'm sure Brody had his mind on that and wouldn't even think about my backpack. So when I arrived at school, to find him leaning against my locker, with my backpack and hoody at his feet, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I grinned, "I wasn't sure if you'd remember my backpack in your car, considering you grounded yourself from your wheels."

Brody snorted, "I didn't ground myself. I'm just too stubborn to give into my asshole father."

I stood in front of him, unsure how to act around him now. I mean, he had his tongue practically down my throat yesterday. Before I could decide what to say, Amber Pennington strolled up and literally bumped me out of the way. I watched her run a finger down Brody's chest, as she flirted, "Hey Brody. You didn't call me last night."

Brody rolled his eyes, "Yea, I was busy."

"When are you going to make it up to me?" Amber pouted.

"I'm not." Brody said, without hesitation, and then his eyes landed on me. I stiffened, because Amber then looked my way also and if looks could kill, I'd have been dead on the spot.

She glared, "What do you want, Nerd?"

"Um, I was standing here first and this is my locker." I tell her, like the idiot she is.

Amber rolled her eyes and addressed Brody once more, "Walk me to class?"

"Naw, I'm good here." He said and I heard a few snickers throughout the hallway. I glanced around and noted our audience. Jesus, didn't these people have anything better to do?

Amber sputtered, "What do you mean, you're good here? I saw you talking to this nerd yesterday and now you're hanging out at her locker. What the hell kind of twilight zone have I stepped into?"

Brody straightened and his don't-give-a-fuck attitude abruptly vanished. In its place was something much colder, as he told Amber, through gritted teeth, "Look, Amber, we're not an item, you and me. You have no say where I spend my time and who I spend my time with. We fucked, Amber. That's it. I told you before it happened that we'd never be anything more, so if you had other ideas, then that's on you. Needless to say, I won't be coming back to you for more."

I felt sick to my stomach. Deep down, I'd already known that Brody had screwed Amber Pennington, but hearing him say it out loud, made it all too real. The waves of emotions that had been rolling through me since yesterday, made my stomach turn. I felt nauseous. I knew the kind of guy Brody was, but for a second I'd let myself forget. He screwed girls for sport. That's what he did. He screwed girls like Amber Pennington. The Amber Pennington's of the world stomped on people like me, so I wanted nothing to do with her or anyone willing to spend time with her, especially those spending time in her bed.

Disgusted with them, but even more disgusted with myself, I picked up my backpack and tried to make a quiet getaway, but Brody grabbed my wrist. His eyes caught mine and I would have given anything to know what he was thinking, as he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Class." I tell him with a clipped tone.

He stiffened, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Brody, it's nothing. I just realized something that I already knew. Now, will you please let me go before I'm late?" I yanked myself free of his hold and practically ran down the hallway. He didn't holler after me, but I could feel his eyes on me.

For the rest of the day, I avoided him. As if to top off my day, after school, I arrived home to find Lance, drunk off his ass. Usually when he got this bad, I avoided him, but today I was gearing up for a fight. Lance, stumbling toward the refrigerator, caught my sneer and snapped, "What are you looking at?"

I shrugged, "The most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

"Excuse me?" He asked. It floored me how he could be this drunk and still not slur his words.

I glared, "You heard me. You're a disgrace, Lance. All you do is drink and play video games. Are you never going to do anything with your life? Lucas stepped up for this family, thank God. He finished raising us both and this is how you repay him? He works his ass off to put food in that refrigerator. How do you even afford to buy the alcohol? Do you steal from him?"

"That's enough, Lexi." Lucas's voice startled me. I hadn't heard him come in.

I whirled to face him, transferring my glare his way, "Why do you always make excuses for him? Why do you let him continue to loaf off of you?"

Lance spat, "Fuck you, Lexi. You don't know anything about anything. You live in your perfect little high school world. You wouldn't know a problem if it smacked you in the face!"

"Seriously? You can say that to me? We all lost our parents. We suffered the same loss, Lance."

"Not the fucking same! Dad left because of you!"

"Lance." Lucas growled.

"No, I won't shut up. I'm tired of living this lie. Dad left because he couldn't handle another kid! Then mom couldn't handle dad's abandonment. They're both gone because of you! For years, I've blamed myself for mom's death, but now I'm seeing clearly. She died because of you!" Lance yelled.

I felt tears running down my face and I didn't do anything to stop them. I couldn't find any words to fight back. Talk about a crap-tastic day. Then Lucas said, calmly and coldly, "I'm going to say this once, so both of you listen up. Dad left because he's a piece of crap. He couldn't handle family life anymore. He would have gone whether Lexi existed or not, so it's not her fault. Mom died, because she too was a bit of a piece of crap. She couldn't handle being abandoned by dad and when she should have made decisions based on what was best for her kids, she didn't. She made selfish decisions instead. She killed herself."

Lance was crying now, shaking his head, "No...that's not right. I killed her."

"You didn't mean for it to happen, Lance." Lucas said softly.

Wait, what? I frowned, "Mom died of a drug overdose."

Lucas sighed and dread filled me, when he lifted his head. I could tell I wasn't going to like what he had to say. Lucas looked me straight in the eye and said, "Mom was high as a kite, yes, but that isn't what killed her. Lance came home that day, after school, and found her with a man. They were both high. The guy grabbed Lance and tried to..."

Lance sneered, "What big brother is trying to say, but can't, is the guy had a fetish for little boys. He started to molest me, Lexi. I fought back. Mom got caught up in the fight and fell against the china cabinet that used to sit in the corner of the living room. She hit her head and the thing fell on top of her. The hit to her head caused a brain aneurism. She was dead before the ambulance arrived. The fucker who tried to rape me ran and has never been found."

"Oh Lance." I say through my sobs and walk right into my troubled brother's chest. I had no idea he was living with that kind of guilt and pain. Lance wrapped his arms around me and we cried together. I told him, "Lance, you didn't kill anyone. If anyone is to blame it's that man or mom for bringing that disgusting man here to begin with. Lucas is right. Our parents were both pieces of crap. The only thing we can do now is succeed in spite of them. Don't let them drag you into the gutter with them. Stop the drinking. Seek counseling. Do whatever it'll take to come back to us. I can't lose you or Lucas. You've been my rocks for years."

No further words were spoken between us the rest of the night. Lance and I continued to hug it out for a while. Lucas eventually joined us. The three of us stood, in our kitchen, clinging to each other, and it was the closest I'd felt to them, emotionally, in a long time. I prayed Lance would have the strength to get better. I hated that he had lived with that pain all of these years. None of it was his fault and I hate that he thought otherwise. I would do everything I could to be there for him, I silently promised.