Pathfinder

Part 1 - 15

FIFTEEN – LEXI

Brody and I were still going strong a few months later. Today, we would graduate from Pathfinder High. I was heading to Brown in the fall, but Brody was heading to San Diego State. I wasn't sure how we were going to make this work and I'd really been stressing about it. I hated the thought of him all the way in California while I was in Rhode Island. Hated it with a passion. Speaking of passion. Things had really heated up for us, but we still hadn't gone all the way. We were planning on taking care of that little detail tonight.

Brody's friends wanted him to attend the keg party tonight, so we were going to do that first. Afterward, however, it would be just the two of us and I was nervous. What if I did it wrong? Could a person do it wrong? What if I was clumsy and Brody hated it? I'd been working myself up into a frenzy over it for the last week. Ever since we had decided tonight would be the night. Brody had it all planned out. We were going to sneak into his family's pool-house, where he said he'd have a surprise waiting for me. His parents had let him come back home, but they still weren't happy with our relationship. I tried not to let it bother me, but it still did.

"Hey kid. We're so proud of you." Lance said, popping his head into my room, catching me standing in front of my mirror, wearing my cap and gown. I turned to him, smiling, but apparently he could tell something was bothering me. He frowned, "What's wrong?"

My smile slipped and tears gathered in my eyes, while I admitted, for the first time out loud, "I don't know if I can do it."

"Do what?"

"Go to Brown. I hate that Brody will by hundreds upon hundreds of miles away from me. I know we can Facetime and stuff, but it's not the same. Being with him, in person is a million times better. What am I going to do?"

"You listen to me, Lexi. I know you think you're in love and shit, but no boy is worth giving up your future for. Not even your Richie-rich boyfriend. You deserve this. You worked so hard to get your full ride to college and you got it. Don't throw it all away on the off chance that you and Brody are meant to be forever. I know you think you are meant to be, but you're only eighteen. A million and one things could happen between now and when you would really be ready for a real, adult relationship. You're still just a kid. Go to college, have fun, and make mistakes." Lance instructed.

I nodded, even though I didn't know if I agreed with him. I didn't want to stress him out though. He'd been home for just a couple weeks and I didn't want to risk him having a relapse because I'm being dumb. So even though I didn't feel confident, I told him, "I know you're right. I'm just being stupid."

"You're not stupid." Lance insisted.

"Lexi, Brody is here!" Lucas hollered.

I knew it would irritate him, so I kissed Lance on the cheek and then went out to greet my boyfriend. Lance followed, grumbling about "mushy kisses and shit" and brightening my day. We all rode together to the school. We'd have to sit alphabetically to receive our diplomas, so I went one way, while Brody went another. I glanced back once. I wasn't sure what made me do it, but I frowned upon finding Brody and Lance in a heated conversation. I hoped one or both of them would glance my way, as I took my assigned seat, but they didn't. Brody shook his head and stormed away from Lance, who was hanging his head. What the hell was going on? A minute ago things were fine and now they clearly weren't. I thought about marching across the gymnasium to demand answers, but the principle demanded out attention then. I'd have to wait until after the ceremony.

An hour later, I had my diploma in hand and my classmates had tossed their hats into the air. I held onto mine. I was sentimental like that. I wound my way through the crowd and Lucas enveloped me into a big hug. Lance was next, but instead of allowing him to congratulate me, I demanded, "What were you and Brody talking about before the ceremony? Neither one of you looked very happy."

Lance winced, "Oh that? That was nothing. I just...thought I knew something, but now I'm not so sure. Don't worry about it."

I glanced around, but couldn't spot my boyfriend anywhere. I glared at Lance, "If it was nothing, then were is Brody?"

Lance glanced around, frowning himself, "I don't know. I'm sure he just got swallowed up in the crowd. He'll find you. I'm sure of it."

I didn't find him and he didn't fine me. I searched all over that gymnasium, but didn't spot Brody or his family. I went out to the parking lot, but they were clearly gone. What in the hell happened? I didn't believe Lance that it was nothing, but I knew him well enough to know that he'd only tell me when he was ready. I knew he'd done something, said something to piss Brody off, I just couldn't imagine what it would be.

The rest of the day, I tried calling Brody's cell phone, but it kept going to voicemail. I'd already left several voice recordings and had sent him several frantic texts, so I didn't bother leaving a voicemail this time. As soon as we'd arrived home, Lance had disappeared on me, so I couldn't try again to get answers. When it grew late, I knew what I had to do. There was a keg party tonight, at Tucker Lowenstein's. I was going to have to make an appearance.

I didn't bother getting dressed up, because I wasn't going there to impress anyone. I was going there to locate my boyfriend and the answers I needed. We had plans, damn it. He couldn't just disappear, like this, without an explanation. The trouble with life, sometimes the answers you seek aren't the ones you want. When I walked into that party and my heart finally registered what my eyes were seeing, I felt like a knife had slashed into my chest. Brody, my Brody, sat on the couch with Amber Pennington grinding on his lap. Brody was looking up at her, with a smirk on his face, but then he caught sight of me. Something flashed in his eyes. Love? Regret? Guilt? Anger? I didn't know what it was, but whatever it was wasn't enough. He glanced back at Amber, grabbed the back of her head, and pulled their lips together. I didn't stick around after that. I left my heart, broken and bleeding on the floor, in Tucker Lowenstein's living room.