Pathfinder

Part 2 - 17

~~PART TWO – SIX YEARS LATER~~

SEVENTEEN – LEXI

Moving back to my home town was a hard decision for me. When I left, six years ago, I was in a bad place. Brody Vincent had really done a number on me and for several years after that, I never wanted to be in another relationship. I swore off guys. I focused solely on school and excelled. Even though, I felt pretty mixed up, somewhere along the way I decided to get a degree in psychology. I wanted to be able to help people through their problems, but first I needed to deal with my own. So I wrote a letter to Brody. I wrote every emotion that I'd felt since finding him with Amber, at that party. I still didn't understand how we could go from planning a romantic night together to finding him with another girl. I said as much, among other things, in the letter. As soon as I mailed it, I felt a little bit of relief. I'd been holding onto so much hate and anger. Getting all of my emotions out on paper seemed to help.

It was Lucas who had talked me into applying for the counselor position at my old high school. I did, but I wasn't expecting to be selected for an interview, which I did over the phone, and I definitely wasn't expecting to be hired on the spot. After that, I just had to decide whether to accept it or not. I'd refused, over the years, to ask if my brothers knew anything about Brody. So I didn't know if he was still around or if he lived out in California. I didn't know if he'd ended up going to San Diego State, as planned, or if he got a new plan after I left. I didn't know if he was married with children by now. I knew none of that and I'd been trying to convince myself that I didn't care about any of it, ever since deciding to accept the counselor position.

Lucas met me at the airport and I tried to seem upbeat when he grilled me about how my life had been. I felt bad for not coming home for a visit in the last six years, but I hadn't been able to talk myself into a visit. I didn't want to risk running into Brody if he were still in town. Now I was moving back. What the hell was I thinking? I began to panic, until Lucas started talking about his wife Leslie and their new baby, Landry. Yes, more L's. Landry was three months old now and I couldn't wait to meet my nephew for the first time. Yes, I'd made the right decision to move back, I told myself.

When we arrived at Lucas's house, a complete upgrade from our old house, Leslie and Landry were sitting on the front porch. I sighed. I hated that I'd have to intrude on their privacy until I found a place to live. I knew that I needed to make that my top priority, even though they had both expressed their joy of having me stay with them. I'd never met Leslie in person, but when I talked to her on the phone, during the three years that they'd been married, I'd grown to love her. Their wedding had been held at Leslie's family's beach house in Florida, so it had given me another reprieve of coming home.

When I exited the car and Leslie came to the driveway to greet me with a hug, I wasn't surprised. She was such a sweet girl and I was so glad my brother had found her. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Landry, however, who was nestled against her shoulder. Beaming with pride, Leslie handed him over and I held my nephew for the first time. In that moment, I believed in love at first sight. Landry was perfect. I suddenly got the urge to spoil him rotten. I may never have kids of my own, considering I had a commitment phobia, but I'd love this little boy as if he were mine. I still hadn't able to bring myself to enter into a relationship. I'd gone on a few dates over the last couple years, but it had become clear that I was no longer cut out for relationships. I had questioned every word said on those dates as a lie, which had been a disaster. Trusting Brody had proven to be my downfall.

"I'm so glad you're home. I wish I had held onto the house for you, but it wouldn't be worth much now anyway." Lucas said, wrapping his arms around Leslie, but talking to me.

I shook my head, "I didn't have any sentimentality toward that house and you know it. I may have grown up there, but not all of the memories were great."

"Well, you can stay here as long as you need to." Lucas said and Leslie nodded in agreement.

I shook my head, "My first priority will be to find me a place of my own. I need my own space and I refuse to mooch off you guys longer than necessary. I promise to visit a lot though, once I move out."

Lucas rolled his eyes, "We'll talk about it later."

I rolled my own, "Conversation over."

Leslie laughed, "If this is how you two always act around each other, then I've been missing out! This is great."

Lucas shook his head, explaining to me, "Leslie is an only child, so she doesn't know what it's like to have annoying siblings."

I didn't take offense by his statement, but it did make me sad. Lance had been gone four years, already. Right after I left town, Lance fell off the wagon. He became a worse drunk than he ever had been before, according to Lucas. He became excessively angry. Lucas had tried to put him back in rehab a couple times, but Lance no longer wanted to get better. He didn't want help. Lucas said he'd walk around the house talking about something being his fault. We weren't sure what had happened, but Lance blamed himself for something again and he used that as an excuse to drink himself into oblivion. He'd died, in a one-car accident, four years ago. I hadn't come home, because Lucas had Lance cremated and decided that we'd do something special with the ashes when I could conveniently come home. I hadn't come home until now.

I winced, "We need to figure things out with Lance's ashes. I hate that you've just had him sitting around all this time. That's my fault."

Lucas nodded, "We'll plan something soon, but it's not your fault. If I wanted to do anything before now, I could have made you come back. Let's get you settled first, before we make any big decisions about anything."

That plan worked for me. I was tired from jet lag, but I was also nervous to be back. I still couldn't bring myself to ask about Brody though. The past was meant to stay in the past. Even if he lived in town, maybe we could find a way to coexist without having to interact with each other. With that thought, I chose to live in my denial-land a little longer.