Pathfinder

Part 1 - 16

SIXTEEN – BRODY

Watching Lexi turn and leave the party, was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. No sooner had my lips touched Amber's, had I pushed her off my lap. Lexi's back was to me now, so there was no reason to keep up the charade. I stood, glancing around, feeling anger pulse through me. I hated Lexi's brother, Lance, for making me do this, but I hated myself more. Was it really for the best, like Lance had said? He said Lexi was having second thoughts about attending Brown and I needed to break up with her, so she wouldn't ruin her life. The thought of Lexi ruining her life because of me, was enough to make me listen to Lance. The way I felt in that moment, however, I was second-guessing everything.

"Oh thank God!" Lance Green suddenly ran into the room. He was gasping for breath, "Do you know how many parties this town is having tonight? It took forever to track you down. You can't do what I asked you to do this afternoon. Just forget I said anything. I didn't really think it through, but I now realize how hurt Lexi would be. I was just worried about her future and didn't want her to throw it away over a boy. That's why I asked you to end things."

I felt sick. I'd known from the start that listening to Lance was a bad idea. So I did the only thing I could do in that moment. I punched him. I pulled my fist back and swung, connecting with his nose. I felt the crunch of bone under my nose, but I didn't care. Lance fell to the ground as he grabbed his face and glared up at me. I glared right back and yelled, "You're too fucking late, asshole. Lexi just left, after catching me with a slut on my lap and watching me kiss her."

"Oh no." Lance said, sounding more nasally now that I'd broken his nose.

"Oh yes, dumbass. There is no fixing that. You told me to break up with her in a way that I couldn't take back. You didn't want Lexi to keep trying to be with me, instead of going to college. Well, congratu-fucking-lations the plan worked like a charm. Lexi will never forgive me after that and it's all your fault. No, that's not true. It's my fault. I never should have listened to you in the first place. I could have made sure Lexi went away to school, but kept our relationship intact."

Lance hung his head, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was just trying to look out for my sister, but I fucked up. I'm sorry. Maybe you can explain everything. I'll go with you. We'll tell her what kind of asshole I am, that I forced you into it. She'll hate me, but at least she won't continue to suffer the broken heart, thinking she got cheated on."

I shook my head. As much as I wanted to go to Lexi and tell her everything, I couldn't have her hating her brother. "Lance, it's too late. You're her family. If she were to find out that her own family caused her this much pain, then...well, I don't even want to think about it. We're screwed. There isn't a damned thing we can do to fix this. Better for her to hate me than her own brother."

Lance cursed, "Christ, I've made such a mess of this. You're actually a fucking good guy, aren't you?"

During any other circumstances, I'd smirk and make a cocky comment, but I didn't have it in me. Instead, I told him, "I'm going home. I hope Lexi enjoys college. I hope what I just did to her was worth it."

"Brody. I'm sorry." Lance said again, but I left without another word.

I felt broken and I didn't know if I'd ever by fixed. We might only be eighteen, but I knew Lexi was the love of my life. I drove home, barely remembering the drive. I went directly to the pool house and stared at my surprise that I'd had waiting for Lexi. Rose pedals were everywhere and candles were waiting to be lit. I walked over to the radio and hit play. Mood music filled the room. I'd been going to wine and dine Lexi, seducing her in a way she'd deserved. She was planning on giving her virginity to me tonight and now...I glanced around once more, before I lost it. I grabbed the radio and threw it across the room. The music stopped and the radio smashed into several pieces.

Smashing the radio didn't feel like enough, so I picked up the coffee table and threw it next. When it didn't break as much as I hoped, I went over and kicked, putting my foot threw it over and over, until a voice startled me, asking, "What is going on in here?"

I glanced up, seeing my mother and father both staring at me as if I were a stranger. I sneered, "You got your wish. Lexi and I are no more. I'll do whatever the fuck you want. You want me to marry one of the country club girls, I'll do it. You want me to follow in your footsteps, dad, fine...I'm all yours. I don't give a shit anymore. Life, as I dreamed it, doesn't exist, so I may as well make you guys happy, even if I can't be."

Mom and dad shared a look. Mom looked broken for a moment, before she masked it and said, "Come on, Brody. Let's get you cleaned up. Your knuckles are bleeding."

I glanced down, surprised. The fist that I'd slammed into Lance's face was, in fact, bleeding. How had I not noticed that? How had I not felt the pain? Now that I was focused on it, my whole hand throbbed. Maybe if I focused on that pain, then the other wouldn't consume me so completely. Maybe I could live a numbed existence and never have to feel this heartache again.