Pathfinder

Part 2 - 23

TWENTY THREE – LEXI

Tomorrow will have been a week since I went to see Brody at his office. I glanced at the clock to see I only had an hour left, before school would be out, thank God. I'd been a little bit of a zombie all week. I couldn't get Brody's words out of my head. I knew I shouldn't have listened in on his conversation with his mother, but it had been tempting. He had said for six years he'd let his parents run his life. The fact that we broke up six years ago couldn't be a coincidence. So did that mean his parents had talked him into ending things with me? It hadn't been a secret that they didn't like me, but I never would have thought Brody would listen to them. It didn't make sense.

"Miss Green?"

I looked up to find Ronny Depew standing in the doorway of my office. I smiled, "What can I do for you Ronny?"

Ronny stepped into the room and took a seat across from me. He was blushing as he said, "Well, there is this girl. I really like her, but I don't know if my family would approve. I was hoping I could talk to you a little bit about it? Get your opinion?"

I felt sucker-punched. It was like it was happening all over again. Boy loves girl. Boy's family hates girl. Boy breaks girl's heart. I swallowed that bitter pill and forced a smile, "Well, Ronny, if you really like her then you have to decide is she worth risking a relationship with your family. If you don't think your family would ever accept her and you're not alright with that, then you probably shouldn't pursue her. You could end up breaking her heart in the end."

Ronny frowned, "What if I am willing to stick it to my family? I mean, I love her. She's worth it all. I'm not sure her family approves of me either, though. I mean, her brother has made things difficult."

Was it my imagination or had Ronny stressed the word 'brother'? Why would he do that? I thought back on how my brothers acted around Brody. Lucas hadn't really caused us problems, but Lance had made things difficult at times. He couldn't seem to get passed the fact that a rich kid was sniffing around his little sister. He thought Brody had poor intentions. Things had gotten better though. Hadn't they? I suddenly remembered that conversation Brody and Lance had before my high school graduation ceremony. Everything had changed after that.

I suddenly stood. Standing so fast my chair slammed against the wall. I couldn't breathe. Lance said something to Brody and that's why Brody did what he did. I had to know what Lance said and I couldn't ask my dead brother, so I'd have to get my answers from Brody. At the moment, however, I was having trouble breathing. All of this time had passed, with me in the dark. Lance had the answers. Is that why he relapsed? Is that why he drank so much and then drove himself, literally, into an early grave? He couldn't live with what he'd done? He'd seen how broken I was after Brody cheated or, at least, appeared to cheat. I was second guessing everything now.

Ronny stood up, smiling suddenly, "I think I know what I need to do, Miss Green. Thanks!"

He ran out before I could comment further, but that was fine. I didn't have anything left to give. Who was I to give advice to any of these kids when my head was so messed up? So I did the only thing I could do. I gathered my things, feigned sick, and left for the day. The drive to Lucas's house was a blur. I let myself into the empty house and went to the fireplace, where Lance's urn sat on the mantel. I stared at it, as if willing him to talk.

I shook my head and collapsed onto the couch, eyes still on the urn. I began to talk to him, "Lance, I know you're gone, but I need answers so badly. What did you do? Why didn't you come clean about whatever it was instead of drinking yourself to death? You had gotten better. Why did you let the booze take over your life again? Whatever you did...whatever you said to Brody, I could have forgiven you. I hate that you thought I couldn't. I know how much secrets ate at you, so I know you did something you weren't proud of and that's what ultimately took you in the end. I'm going to have to ask Brody about it. I hope he'll tell me the truth and, if he does, I'm hoping I'll recognize the truth."

I sighed, before continuing, "My life is a mess. I'm not happy. My job is fine. I can't really complain about it. My love life, however, that's laughable. I'm twenty-four and I've never even had sex. I've barely allowed anyone to hold my hand in six years. That's not normal. I'm in my prime. I should be out enjoying life, but the thought of letting anyone close to me again...the thought of trusting anyone again...it scares me to death. That's not even my biggest problem. After seeing Brody the other day, I realized that I've already forgiven him. He literally had Amber on his lap and he freaking kissed her, yet I've forgiven him? How messed up is that? It's like my subconscious knows something I don't."

I stopped talking to Lance, or rather myself, after that and simply sat there crying. It had been awhile since I'd had such an intense pity party and I knew better. This crying jag wasn't going to make me feel any better. So when Leslie arrived home, seeing how big of mess I was, she took over. She made a call to her mother, requesting her to watch Landry for the evening, as Lucas was scheduled to work late tonight. Leslie then took complete control. She forced me to get off the couch, change, and get dolled up. Then she dragged me out, for a girl's night. We went to the one and only bar in town. I knew better than to drown my sorrows with alcohol. Booze is what ultimately killed my brother, so I didn't usually drink. Tonight, however, I tried to stop worrying about everything. I drank. I laughed when Leslie made a joke. I even danced with a few different men, after the alcohol loosened me up a little. Things were beginning to look up, if not a little wobbly from my alcohol consumption, until Brody Vincent walked through the door.