Find My Way Back || g.d.

[ 5 ]

Grayson's POV

I need to find something to make it up to her or at least start from being friends again. If all goes well and as planned, we can get on the road to becoming a couple.

I stood at the end of her locker area. And the note fell out of her locker. She read it and crumpled it up. I'm still gonna go just in case she comes.

School ended and I told her to meet me at "our spot." Which was this little area by the lake. I set up a small picnic like we used to do.

About 20 minutes went by before I heard the leaves crunching. I quickly turned around and stood up.

"Hey."

"What's this?" she held up the note. "Grayson, you have another girl. I drove by to tell you something but then I caught you kissing someone else. You've moved on and now I have to too."

"Okay the only reason I was kissing her is because she caught me off guard." I stepped closer to her, "I've missed you too much to move on."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"Because losing you is the worse thing I has ever happened in my entire life by far. I shouldn't have told you that I wasn't gonna talk to you throughout the time I was gonna be gone. That my mind wasn't in the right place so I needed time. If I could take it all back I would. I still love you."

Thinking about all of this just reminded me of how much I was stressing out. I kept so much inside of me. I held it all inside and I never let it out. I had all these pinned up emotions in me that I should've let her in on. I was so used to being there for people, I forgot to take care of myself. I should've talked to Ethan or Malia. I pushed her away and now all I do is sit in a pool of regret.

Out of nowhere, I started hyperventilating and fell to my knees. I think it was because I was reminiscing the past and bringing up past emotions.

Malia ran over to me, "Grayson. Grayson. Are you okay?"

"It's an anxiety attack. I can't breathe."

"Think about happy things. Good things. Like friends, family."

I was still heaving.

"Just try to slow your breathing."

"I can't. I can't." I held my chest.

"Shh. Shh. Grayson look at me. Shh. Grayson. Look at me. Grayson."

She rubbed her thumbs on my cheeks, holding my face in each of her hands. And she kissed me. She slowly backed away and stared into my eyes.

"How'd you do that?"

"I... I read once that holding your breath can stop a panic attack. So when I kissed you umm... you held your breath."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You did."

"Thanks. You're really smart."

Malia's POV

"Thanks." I stroked some hair behind my ear. "I appreciate you putting in effort to creating this little picnic thing you got going on. But I really can't stay. I have to go pick up stuff from the post office for Marissa."

"Are you avoiding me?" he asked quietly.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I turned around.

"Malia." he called me back.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

I nodded and walked away.

"Grayson." I quickly walked back over there.

He seemed to be on the phone with someone. Before he could say anything, I grabbed his face and kissed him again.

"I uhh... I have to go now."

He grabbed my hand, "stay."

"I'll talk to you later."

I don't know what came over me. I wanted to make amends with him but I don't know how I was feeling at the moment. I mean yesterday I was hyped up, but I just wasn't feeling it today.

That's all I could think about on my way home.

"Hey kiddo." Marissa said when I walked in.

"I got your package. What the hell did you order? I feel like I'm carrying bricks."

"Thank you." she took the box from me. "How was school?"

I really don't want to talk about Grayson but I can't keep this in.

"You can't nag me if I do."

All my siblings know bits and pieces of my life. To be honest, there will be situations I keep to myself.

"Oh man."

"Marissa."

"Okay."

"Grayson left a note in my locker today asking me to meet him at 'our spot'. I was hesitant in deciding whether to meet him or not. But I did. Initially, I only wanted to go to ask him not to do this again. Because seeing him today just reminded me of something that happened yesterday which I don't wanna talk about. All these feelings inside me were overwhelming. Then he apologized for doing what he did those months ago and I didn't say anything. I just said, 'see you at school tomorrow.' And then all of a sudden he had a panic attack so I kissed him."

"Malia."

"Listen. I read somewhere that if you held your breath during a panic attack it helps. So when I kissed him, he held his breath and his breathing was fine again. I wasn't just gonna let him sit there and almost die."

"Did you feel anything?"

I nodded my head. I didn't wanna tell her about the second kiss and have her give me a 10 year lecture on it.

"Personally, I think you need to get your feelings in check for one thing. Another, you need to talk to him about all of this. You know. Get some closure."

All these months have been insane. We found out that Mason had internal bleeding as a result from a fight he was in so he had to get surgery. Megan was dealing with a heavy breakup and her friends weren't there for her. I broke up with Grayson. Everything has been so hectic.

But maybe she's right. Maybe I do need closure.