the realms of day and night. || bts poetry

part 39 - don't come closer

[Love Yourself - 윤기]
.
Everything comes to an end
Like the cigarette I hold in my hand
Burning down with the smoke I'm blowing away
And my life getting shorter with every pull I take

Don't come closer - just get away from me
And never come to see me again.
Because the closer you get to me
The more you'll become unhappy.

The more you get to know me
The more you'll get attached
And the more I will hurt you
And the more you'll hate me

You always hated my addiction for cigarettes
You hated to watch me to kill myself slowly with every single pull I take
So you playfully told me to stop
And I laughed when you handed me over lollis instead

But you told me that's the way you got away
From smoking yourself
I stopped laughing when I realized
You never told me you used to smoke as well

I thought maybe I can leave behind my past with your help
And living my life happily with you
Me playing the piano and you playing the guitar
It sounded too great to be true

But suddenly my past overtook myself
Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw
My old friend was calling me, leaving me a message
Telling me you gave him my number

He was one of those friends I left behind
And never wanted to see again
You never questioned why I left them behind
But now you met one of them you wanted to know why

Why I never visited a lovely boy like him for his sake
Who's lying in the hospital only being able to walk with a rake
Now you wondered why I never talked about my past
And you wanted to know everything what happened

I always hurt the people I love
And I left the people most precious to me
And somehow found you instead -
But you're the last person I ever want to see hurt because of me

So I had to push you away
Just to keep you away from my miserable life
To offer you a life in which I don't exist - a better life
Wishing you would have stayed away in the first place

I rather want you to leave me for being an asshole
Than seeing you leave for the person I am
It hurt me to push you away
But if you didn't want to leave voluntary
I had to make you leave like this

I knew I need you in my life
But you didn't need someone like me in yours
I didn't want to be this selfish.
No matter how much it hurt to realize.

Dear you, where ever you might be
I hope you are happy.
Please never stop doing music
And live your life to the fullest.

Without me.