the realms of day and night. || bts poetry

part 60 - trauma

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in this painful world
After a year, I told my friends
"I'm scared because of what happened"
They told me I'd get over it soon
I have to wait just a bit longer

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in this unbelieveable world
After two years, I realized
"I'm still scared because of what happened."
But I didn't tell anyone anymore
I believed them as they told me
I would get over it very, very soon

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in this questionable world
After three years, I was asking myself
"Why am I still scared because of what happened?"
I seeked for help, but my help wasn't clear
She stated school as my ultimate fear

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in this ugly world
After four years, it was okay for a while
"But why do I still have flashbacks because of that time?"
I had the time of my life that year
Never appreciated it enough as it happened

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in a strict world
After 5 years, I graduated
"I can't concentrate since 5 full years. The flashbacks won't let me."
But I fell in love and with the love inside of me
I was able to pass, even though he never loved me back.

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in a dangerous world
After 5 years, I told him
"I have those flashbacks and it's because I still think of this."
Talking about it was the hardest thing to do for me
But he only told me it's just a phase, I'd get over it soon

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in my own little world
After 5 years, I was shocked at those words
"They already told me I would. But I never got over it."
And I left trying to tell myself it was good to tell him
But deep inside, it hurt me that nobody ever took me and my pain serious

I was just a stupid little girl
Lost in a awful world
After 5 years, I broke down, too
"I wanted to kill myself, because the flashbacks told me to do so."
But I was scared of death, so I avoided  everything I like, even my friends and music
And found a weird boy band who helped me instead

I was just a little stupid girl
Lost in unfair world
After 6 years, I just kept on living
"I'm not stronger than my flashbacks. But they're a part of me."
I accepted a part of myself, but I still struggled too much one can handle
So I had to give up on a lot of things I didn't want to give up on to

I was just a little stupid thing
Lost in a hospital full of pain and suffering
After 7 years, I told my reflection
"I shouldn't be suffering so much because of something that happened seven years ago."
But I was still trapped inside of the hospital, in my room with the moon
Back then, I left physically, but mentally I have never left
So when I returned I saw little me waving at me, crying.