the realms of day and night. || bts poetry

part 44 - esmeraldo

[Love Yourself - 석진]
.
Some moment become more vivid with the passage of time.
Yesterday's many encounters and goodbyes existed for this moment.
Every alley and crossroad I walked through
were all meant to lead me to this very place.
That kind of moment is what I mean.

You didn't seem like a human being the first time I saw you.
You seemed like a ghost, an illusion that suddenly appeared.
Behind the train on the other side
While I was waiting to pass.

I was waiting to pass a new chapter in life, a new beginning as always.
But then you stepped into my life and I saw something beautiful in life.
So in the end you were the reason to make me stay.
You were the reason why I looked back once again.

I noticed you running by as if you ran to something important.
So important you didn't notice you lost your red little book.
I watched you walk away, even though I was able to give it back to you.
But I didn't - merely to find an excuse to meet you once again.

The sound of cicadas that chirred liked showers end in an instant.
In the abrupt silence, I realize life's immense beauty.
Just the fact that you are in it makes all the difference.
Even if this were a dream, this is where I choose to be.

I carefully tried to call the number written inside the book
I didn't know you'd be talking a lot, treating me like an old friend
So we said we'd meet up for me to give her the book
And for her to pay dinner as a reward

My life seemed perfect for a split second and I was happy for once.
I was about to meet the sweet girl, after heart breaks and pain
I hope it wasn't a dream. I'd never wanted to wake up ever again.
But once again my life shattered in pieces.

Looking back, I had known all along
that underneath the glittering world before my eyes lay my deception.
That everything was to collapse with a breath of wind
I turned away, idestepped, simply closed my eyes
Afraid I was, afraid to be loved for who I am.

I was on my way to our date, driving and hoping you'll be there
I was driving even though driving brought back so many memories
So many memories I tried to forget in every way
But will I ever get over what happened back then at the sea?

I wasn't able to save my friends, not able to protect them
My friends who might as well not know who I am now
I was not a good person who deserves deep and caring love
But I was still craving the love you'll give me once I let you.

Why is it that the happiest of moments usher in sudden fear?

You know, if I could turn back time, I would want to be the best man in the world.
I would protect you from everything, I will protect you from myself
I'd never leave your side ever again and would take care of you
Like no one else ever did.

But the car was a little faster than I was.

If we could turn back the clock, where should we go back to?
Once we reach that place, can all our mistakes and errors be undone?
Will happiness be ours to stay?

I won't ever stop trying to save the people I love
No matter how often I suffer, no matter how often I try
I will protect the people I love. At all costs.
Even though that means that I won't ever feel happiness again.

I wouldn't deserve happiness anyways.

Though many seasons pass, there are many places that can't be reached.
Yet another storm to be faced and to be weathered head-on
Loving without fear, hesitating and parting.

Alone I'm watching the ocean I used to visit with my friends.
Alone I was holding the flowers I wanted to give you back then.
Alone I'm trying to save my friends all over again.

All alone I realized it would be better for anyone for me
To merely live as the person I am.