I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 25

"I-I thought that it wasn't going to take off for a while?" You stutter concerned after everything that Peggy tells you.

"So did I." She sighs. "But it appears that now more than ever are people doing bad things. And it isn't just shoplifting and bank robbery, it's the illegal poaching and transport of drugs and weapons... Not just your regular kind of weapons."

Steve's eyes are downcast and Bucky is rubbing his face with his hands, understanding what is coming.

"I've been talking with Howard, my partner in all of this and he thinks that things could get dangerous. Some of his latest inventions are amongst those that have been stolen and in the wrong hands this could be no laughing matter," she goes on to explain.

The room is silent, you find yourself laying a hand on Bucky's back and gently stroking your thumb across his shirt.

"I'm sorry to do this to you James, but it seems that I might be having to pull you into this sooner than I thought," she says sadly.

You can't help but feel frustrated. She knows what Bucky is going through at the moment. This would be the worst thing possible for him right now. But another part of you knows that she can't help it and that it is for the good of the country, or who knows, maybe even the world.

"So you mean to tell me that I'm probably going to have to leave my family, potentially my pregnant wife for who knows how long to go and fight crime?" Bucky mumbles, looking up with his elbows on his knees and his palms pressed together.

Peggy bites her lip and nods, worry in her eyes.

"For how long and how often?" He cringes, dreading the answer.

"I'm not sure. It depends on the kind of mission and just whenever something comes up." She shakes her head.

"I'll have to think about it." He huffs and leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair, clearly stressed.

You reach out and hold the hand that is in his lap.

Your heart sinks. You aren't ready for this yet. You don't think you ever will be. You don't want to loose him again and the idea that he is putting his life in danger each time scares you beyond words.

"Buck, I know this is hard, but it's for the right reasons, these guys won't be innocent this time. And we will be in it together, going through the same things," Steve pipes up.

"Trust me, I'm trying my best and understand that you have a family that you want to spend time with and I want you to know that I won't call on you unless I need you," Peggy begs.

She does look guilty.

"Well Stevie, I suppose if you think it's okay than it must be. And after all you guys have done for me I owe it to you. I know I already knew about it but it's just sooner than I thought it would be." Bucky shrugs.

"That's completely understandable." Peggy nods.

You know you can't stop Bucky from agreeing but you'd be lying if you said you weren't upset about it. Maybe it's the hormones or maybe it is just the fact that you could loose him.

"We've already found a training facility for Steve and you and any other agents that we recruit to use and Howard is constantly going to be working on the latest most high tech weaponry for you guys to use, including your arm," she carries on, her face lighting up.

"Sounds like you've got it all organised," is all you can say and you aren't able to help the tone of disapproval to your voice.

"Please don't refer to my arm as a weapon," Bucky mutters. "It's bad enough as it is."

"Right, sorry," Peggy mumbles sheepishly. "And yes, we wanted to get everything ready early on in case something unexpected went wrong and so that everything runs smoothly."

It's not a bad idea, you have to admit.

"What do you say we hit the training centre tomorrow and check it out Buck? Even just for a look?" Steve asks as lightheartedly as possible.

"Sure, why not." Bucky huffs.

It's not that either of you are mad, it's just a lot to take in.

"Excellent." Peggy sighs.

"Mum, Isla won't stop crying!" Luke comes in and whines and behind him Isla waddles in balling her eyes out.

"Oh baby, is it time for a nap?" You coo as you get up and rush over to pick her up.

"I'm so tired." She wails.

"Sorry guys. It looks like that's our cue to go." You huff even though it isn't bad timing.

"It was good to see you guys," Bucky says as he stands up, the four of you exchanging hugs.

"Sorry to lump all of that on you." Peggy smiles sympathetically.

"It's okay, it's not your fault," Bucky assures her.

~~~~

"What a day." You huff as Bucky slips into bed next to you.

"You're telling me." He scoffs as he pulls the blanket up over the two of you.

You shuffle over and rest your head on his chest, sighing contently. Automatically as you lay a hand across his naked torso he wraps his flesh arm around you and then starts to play with your hair with his metal hand.

"How do you honestly feel about this whole thing?" you ask him.

"I'm not exactly over the moon about it," he mumbles. "But I can see where Peggy is coming from at the same time. It's just unexpected."

"That's understandable." You shrug. "I just don't want you to have to go away all the time." You pout.

"I don't want to leave all the time." He sighs and then delicately shifts his hand so that it is resting on your currently flat stomach, tracing light circles on it. "Especially not now."

You place your free hand on top of his.

"You just do what you have to do and don't worry about me, I'll be alright," you tell him.

"But I just want to be there for you this time. I want to help you, I want to be there every step of the way. We've already got two kids now, it wouldn't be fair on you to just be left in charge of them by yourself like this," he says in a guilty voice.

"Well considering you've had to hold my hair up out of the toilet and watch me vomit for the past few weeks, I think you're doings pretty good job so far," you joke.

He let's out a laugh, his chest rumbling low and deep. "I love you."

You look up at him and grin cutely while he smiles down at you and leans in to peck you on the lips.

"How was your walk with Steve?" you ask suddenly remembering.

"It was alright, interestingly enough he's kind of going through what I am in a sense which is comforting in a way I guess." He shrugs.

"See, you're not alone in this Bucky. Steve understands you and I'm here to support you in anyway I can."

"Tell me how did I get so lucky as to get a girl like you?" he asks.

"Because you were the only one who cared about me in my roughest time," you mumble.

"Aw doll," he says sadly.

"Plus I kind of just turned up on your doorstep like a stray dog," you add.

"That's one way to put it," he chuckles.

"I'm tired." You sigh as fatigue suddenly takes over.

Immediately he reaches up to turn the lamp off.

"Goodnight Buck." You sigh as he settles back down.

"Goodnight beautiful," he murmurs as he kisses the top of your head once more just before you drift off with your arms around each other and your legs tangled together into a peaceful sleep... Until Bucky is woken up with yet another nightmare.