I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 44

You stand there in Bucky's arms like that for what feels like forever but you are just too terrified to move. You can't be sure because it's like you're in a daze but you think Peggy goes back to look after all of the kids and Steve stays and watches Jake to make sure he doesn't try anything. The whole time you just stay with your head buried in Bucky's chest while sobs wrack your body and your tears wet his shirt. Theo quietens down eventually and gradually you begin to feel Bucky's tense muscles relax. But you can't get yourself to stop shaking.

You feel violated. You can still taste him on your lips and in your mouth, a vile, bitter stench. The sharp sting of his fingers still itch at your cheek. You stare blank and wide eyed at the wall, clutching on to Theo for dare life and dreading the thought of Bucky letting you go. You're terrified. Why should you feel so scared in your own home? Imagine how the kids all feel. Guilt, regret, hurt, anger and embarrassment all well up inside of you but all you keep thinking is thank god I left him when I did.

"How dare you call yourself his father." Bucky murmurs after a while. "You weren't the one there to see him take his first steps or hear his first word. You weren't the one who got to feel how amazing it was to hold him when he was first born. You aren't the one who has loved him with so much passion his whole life. You don't even know him. You're no one to him. You're no one at all."

Jake doesn't reply and you can't bring yourself to look at him to see his reaction either. You never want to look at him or see him ever again.

Soon the cops arrive and Steve helps them escort Jake out. To your surprise he doesn't put up much of a fight. You figure he knows he's lost and there's no point in trying to contend with Steve or Bucky.

Although you do hear him shout, "I'll be back! You haven't seen the last of me darlin'. Don't try to fight it! I know we both felt the connection just back there. I'll have you and my boy in no time!" Just as they drag him out the door and for some reason this sticks with you and makes a shiver run down your spine.

Probably just your already jittery nerves but the thought of a life with him in it in any way at all fills you with dread.

"Oh shut up you!" You hear one of the policemen grunt as they shove him into their car.

Everything is a blur that afternoon but you faintly remember looking to see Steve talking about the details of the incident to the police officer and eventually the parents of the kids come and collect them. You can hear her apologising and thanking them and feel guilty about not going to see them off and explain things yourself but you just can't bring yourself to face anyone right now. You're just too much of a mess.

Thankfully Bucky never lets you go the whole time. However when the house falls silent and everyone is gone, Steve and Peggy bring Isla and Luke into the room.

"I'll go put some tea on for you guys." Peggy offers kindly.

"Thanks Peg." Bucky smiles warmly.

He kisses the top of your head and gently sits you down on the bed, still leaving a protective arm around your waist. You hold Theo in your arms and Isla silently climbs up and nestles herself in beside you.

"Mummy are you okay?" She asks quietly. "Did that mean man hurt you?"

You sniffle and shake your head, trying to hold it together and be brave.

"Yes he did baby girl," Bucky interjects and you're about to look at him confused. "But your mumma's a strong woman and she's not going to let it get to her. Just like you won't if a man ever tries to hurt you too okay sweetie? Always know that just because he's a man, it does not mean he has any power over you. Women are incredible. Promise me that, please?"