I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 34

Bucky would never want to hurt you deliberately.

That's what Peggy told you anyway. And she was right. He would never even think about hurting you. Especially not deliberately.

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Bucky hadn't had a bad nightmare in a while. Unmistakeably he'd had them, you'd heard him whimpering a few times and sometimes he'd even wake you up because he was so traumatised, other times you could just tell from the way he acted the next morning, he would jump or flinch at the slightest sound.

But that didn't stop him from having possibly the worst nightmare he'd had since he came home nearly a year ago now tonight.

~~~~

You wake up when you can feel Bucky tossing and turning beside you. For starters, it's weird for him to stop cuddling you during the night, and also he isn't a blanket stealer but tonight he is moving around an awful lot. Groggily, you turn over and straight away you know that he's having a nightmare.

Great. This is probably the worst time possible. You're heavily pregnant and exhausted, he's training hard out at the moment because there's been some strange activities going on all around america so it's likely that he's going to have to go on another mission soon. Everything is just happening all at once and for him to have a major setback with his nightmares is the last thing you need.

He whimpers and grimaces in his sleep, his brow creasing, his eyes screwing shut and his face contorting in terror and agony. His hands are balled up into fists and gripping at the sheets pulling them so hard and tight that you're concerned that they might actually rip. He is completely tangled up in the sheets from twisting and writhing around so much and he mumbles frantic, incoherent pleas about all kinds of terrifying things that you don't want to even imagine.

"No please, no no please stop! Stop! You're hurting me! Ow! Ah! Ow! No please! I have a family I need to get home to!" He cries out.

The fact that that last sentence always comes up in his nightmares about what happened to him breaks your heart. When he was going through all that awful stuff, you were what he was thinking of.

"Bucky," you croak tiredly as you haul yourself up into a sitting position. "Buck, come on. Wake up baby please." You whisper, starting over the same routine you always do in this situation.

Beads of sweat trail down his forehead as he shakes it violently from side to side. Even though you're touching him he's so far away right now, in a different country, being tortured. You might know that it's not real but he can't see that, and either way, it still already happened to him. It's going to take a lot to wake him up this time.

"Buck please. You're okay. You can get through this. You're safe, here with me. Please wake up." You say calmly but seriously as you shake his shoulder.

He doesn't budge or relax at all, of anything it gets worse. His breathing becomes sharp and ragged and his chest heaves.

You progress to straddling his lap and pressing all your weight onto him to try and get him to wake up. The longer it takes the more upset it makes you to see him this way.

"Come on Bucky baby please, come back to me where it's safe," you beg him as tears spring to your eyes and you lightly slap at his cheek while pressing down on his chest.

Finally in a last ditch attempt you reach up to grab his flesh hand and entwine your fingers. But it is holding so tightly to the sheets that you can't get him to open it up. As you try to massage it open and run your fingers across his knuckles he suddenly latches onto your wrist.