I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 98

You're never going to get used to that awful sick feeling that comes with waiting for Bucky and Steve to arrive home when you know that something is wrong. It eats you up and time seems to stand still as you wait.

Tonight, you hold Peggy's hand while you wait at the entrance to the chopper pad at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. She holds Sarah with her who hides her head in Peggy's shoulder, too young to fully understand what's going on and just a little confused. Peggy has collected herself but you know she's extremely fragile.

You left your five back in the lounge area. It's late so the younger four are asleep and although Luke is awake he's a little relaxed now that he knows it's not his dad but still upset. You told him you'd come get him once you know more.

It's times like this that another family member would be so helpful to help look after the kids. But besides Steve, Peggy and Bucky, you've really got no one left. And you always seem to end up wrapped up in the same problems. Your mum and dad are dead. The only other person you have is your brother. Not that he wants to see you. He hasn't even tried to contact you since your parents kicked you out all those years ago. All you know was that he was due to go overseas to England not long after that. You don't even know if he came back.

When you start to hear the rotter blades you squeeze Peggy's hand just as the helicopter comes into view as it sinks in to land. Sarah lifts her head up at the sound And flashing lights. You wait on edge as it touches down but nothing happens and no one appears for a few seconds. But then all of a sudden Howard jumps out of the cockpit and runs back, throwing open the side door and out comes a medic, pulling a stretcher that no doubt has Steve on it, followed by Bucky trying to help push the stretcher from behind.

You gasp. Peggy has already let go of your hand and runs up to the three men. You can hear her sobbing from where you stand, feet planted in shock. But as they get closer to the doors you can see how bad it must be. You were hoping that it wouldn't be bad, Steve would maybe walk off with support and get swooped off to be seen to. But it's far from that. He's clearly unconscious, wrapped in blankets and oxygen mask covering his face as his head flops from side to side. One of his arms has fallen off of the side of the bed and out from under the blanket. It looks completely red with no doubt his blood.

Finally you will yourself to move. Running straight for Bucky, emotion getting the best of you.

How is this even real? Steve looks dead.

"James." You sob and throw out your arms to him.

At your voice he looks up, snapping out of his concentration on Steve's gurney.

"You go serg, I've got this." You see the medic nod to him.

Bucky breaks away from the stretcher and diviates to your path. He looks absolutely exhausted and broken. There is a large white plaster to the right of his forehead and his uniform is torn and caked with blood. You shudder to think whether it belongs to him or Steve.

You run straight into his arms and he wraps his large hands around you. You can't help but bury your head in his chest and cry, feeling stupid that you can't hold it together for him. You feel him rest his cheek on your shoulder. You stay there holding him for a minute, so glad to have him back in one piece and thanking your lucky stars. Both of you are shaking with both fear and tears.

Eventually you do manage to bring yourself to pull away and grab his face in your hands, looking him in the eyes before smashing your lips to his. But his eyes are startlingly empty.

"I'm so glad you're okay." You whimper.

"Yeah, thanks." He mumbles and pulls away from you much to your surprise.