Love....Such A Silly Game We Play

CHAPTER 19: So....What Now?

<<MEL>>

I wake up to dimmed lights and feeling a little bit cold.

I try and rub my eyes but soon look down and notice I can't move my wrists because I'm strapped down. As are my ankles too.

Unfortunately, I start getting flashbacks from the last time I was strapped down to a hospital bed. It was after I was taken to the hospital for trying to kill myself.

I then quickly notice the bandage that is wrapped around my left wrist. Shit! Did I seriously cut myself? I thought to myself. I hadn't done that in a long time.

As I started to look around the room, I noticed the door opening and saw my mom come in and sit in the chair next to my bed and grab my hand and squeeze it tightly. I can tell she's been crying.

"Mom?" I softly say with a bit hoarseness in my voice.

"Yes, Angel. I'm here." She says with a forced smile. Trying to hide the sadness she feels.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to try again." I began while trying to hold back my tears. But she cut me off.

"Shhhhh. Baby girl, it is not your fault. It's mine. After your father died I went back to work and I just tried so hard not to feel the pain I felt from losing your father. And I knew that we needed money, so I went back to work at the hospital. And I got so caught up in trying to not feel that pain from the loss of your father, but I didn't realize, that I was also not giving you the attention you needed. And I'm so sorry. Even when you tried to tell me about school and the bullying at first, I just thought that's part of school. But then after I found out how bad it really was, that's the first time I found you on the kitchen floor, with the knife and then the cuts on your wrist. Luckily, at the time they weren't as deep as this time's was. But still, I was terrified. Just as I have been all those other days and today." She says while tears roll down her face.

"It was never your fault mom. You lost someone you loved. You were hurting too." I cried. "And I just thought, with this last time, that maybe I could finally succeed and then I would see dad again. The pain would be taken away. But, now, seeing you like this, I just, I don't know. I just feel like out of all the other times, that right now, looking at you, and seeing the pain I have caused. I didn't realize I was doing that. And I'm so sorry mom. I love you." I start to cry out the last part.

"It's okay baby. It's okay. We will get you better. I promise! And besides, Sam says that he will help out in any way we need."

I look at her, suddenly realizing that she is back early. Oh my god, I ruined their vacation.

"Oh mom. I'm so sorry. I will make it up to you and Sam. I promise." I start telling her.

She shakes her head a little bit. "No sweetie. You don't need to do that. Because him and I care about you getting better and we love you."

I start to smile. "I like Sam. He's good for you mom. He makes you happy like dad did."

"Oh honey. I will always love your dad. No one can ever take his place." She assures me.

"I know. But mom, Sam loves you. And obviously I think he's cool and he seems to treat me like his daughter. So that makes me happy." I tell her with a smile.

"Thank you sweetie. I love you." She tells me.

"I love you too mom."

"Now, speaking of love." She says as she sniffs. "I know what happened between you and Anthony. And I think that you should forgive him. Baby girl, he brought you here and has been here by your side ever since. He's a good guy. And I know that, because I see the way he has looked at you. It's the same way your father and I looked at each other as well as the way Sam and I look at one another too." She tells me.

I hadn't even thought about what happened with Anthony and I.

I try and erase, once again, the horrible things that happened. And wait, did she just say that he has been here next to me? That he found me and brought me here where he had to watch them strap me down? Oh my god, how can I ever see him after this? I am so embarrassed and ashamed. How could he possibly love me?

My mom must have known what I was thinking cause she smiled, "It will all work out as it should. And I will be back to check in on you tomorrow." And she bent down to kiss the top of my head before leaving the room. Though before opening the door up, she turned to me.

"Give him a chance baby girl. And don't worry. He loves you too." She then leaves.

As I watched the door slowly close, I suddenly realized that she's right. That I do love him and that I do want to be with him.

I begin getting ready to call out for my mom again, but my throat hurts too much already. So I instead, try and think up of something else before I suddenly hear the door open and see it open slowly. But when I saw him walk in and stand there looking at me with pain and regret, I knew right then and there, that I am still in love with him.

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<<ANTHONY>>

As I walked inside the room, I froze, just looking at her and how much pain she went through.

I felt guilty, sorry, worry,that she wont take me back, pain, and sadness.

I then began walking slowly towards her. Until I got to her and sat down in the chair all while not breaking eye contact. I don't even think I blinked. Though she looked beautiful, I couldn't really read her face expression. It was blank.

I tried quickly thinking up of something to say, but couldn't.

"Anthony?" I heard her quietly say.

I hadn't realized I had drifted off into my thoughts, that luckily, she broke the silence and brought me back to reality. Back to her.

"Hey." I softly reply with a smile.

"I'm so sorry." She began to cry out. Which of course made my tears start to pour out.

"No. I'm sorry baby." I cry out while leaning over to grab her hand and kiss her forehead a few times then I stop and look at her lips. She smiles at me a little and brings her head up closer to me and without any hesitation, I smash my lips onto hers and we share a long passionate kiss.

When I pull away, we look into each other's eyes, and smile as I then hold my head closer to hers with my hand on the back of her head and our foreheads touch for a brief moment.

"I love you." She says with a sniffle.

"I love you too baby." I tell her as I have her lay her head back down onto the pillow.

"I never wanted you to see me like this. I'm fucked up. I'm a nightmare to be with cause of my depression." She begins.

"Baby, if anyone is a nightmare to be with, it's me. I should have never said or did those things that I did that hurt you. Because that is the last thing I wanted to do to you. I'm so fucking sorry and am hoping you can forgive me. Just, start fresh all over again."

"I'd like that." She smiled and nodded her head.

I just smiled big and I tried to hug her and remembered that she can't move her hands. To which, I just unstrap both her ankles and wrists free, and then start to hug her and kiss her neck. As she giggles and wraps both her arms around my neck. We stay hugging each other until I hear her ask me to lay beside her. To which I oblige. 

"Okay baby." I smile in reply.

I put my arms around her and we fell asleep together.