Book 2: Nothing Seems to Please Me (Duff McKagan FanFic)

Ch. 23: You Don't Know Me

It was such a strange feeling, waking up without your virginity. It's not like it necessarily hurt, and it's not like it was bad. It's just that now, I felt different. I felt empty.

I had woken up about an hour ago and I was just laying there, staring at the wall while Duff spooned me. Everytime he exhaled, it would blow my hair lightly and tickle my cheek.

I didn't like it.

His arms were wrapped around me and every now and then, he'd snuggle up closer against my back. I felt contained. I felt horribly vulnerable.

I wanted to get up and leave, to run from the bedroom as fast as humanly possible, still, I didn't want to wake him.

I felt stupid. Why had I done that? Had I really felt so high? Maybe it was the night. Everyone felt more wild at night. Like their actions held no consequences. Like every affair would last forever. Love making felt better. You felt hornier. There were no mistakes. And then morning came, and you were given a clean slate for a new day. With Duff laying with me, my slate was not clean. He was a smudge.

Not to mention, we'd known each other maybe a month. That sure as hell wasn't long enough to convince me that I'd made the right decision. Shouldn't it take time for these things to happen? Was I a slut now?

I thought back to all the times my father had called me a whore and accused me of prostitution. My stomach churned. Had I proved him right?

Duff stirred lightly and sighed. "Hey, there."

"Hey," I whispered, refusing to turn around and face him.

While I was busy worrying and contemplating what I should do next, Duff seemed completely carefree. I felt him adjust his position and he planted a kiss on my shoulder.

"You look good in the morning, crazy hair," he teased.

I knew that from that angle he could see my face so I forced a smile. "Thanks."

There was a pause before Duff continued. "Listen, Max, about last night-"

"What about it?" I asked, feeling myself ready to snap at him at any moment.

"It was great," he said, kissing my head this time. "We should do it again sometime."

I rolled my eyes at his lame joke.

"But seriously, it was great. You're great," he chuckled.

I didn't say anything, just glared at the wall.

This had been a mistake. A horrible mistake. I was stupid.

I felt a gentle nudge on my shoulder and I turned over onto my back. I was looking up at him and he was grinning down at me, his eyes shining with adoration. He ran his fingers through my hair, removing my bangs from my face.

"Max, you're so...different. I've never met anyone like you before. You push me so much. I feel like nothing I do will ever impress you. I will never know what goes on in that head of yours," his chocolate orbs scanned my face as though he was searching for something. I left my face as blank as a canvas. "But I want to try. I do."

I felt my heart hammering against my breastbone and I gulped at his words. Please don't do this, Duff. Go back to being a cocky douche.

"I really like you, Max," he continued. "I know I acted pretty immature earlier, but I never thought I'd be able to get with someone like you. Not in in a million years. Most girls I get with are so easy, but they lack substance. You're on a totally different playing field, and way out of my league."

Shit. How do you say no to that?

"The truth is," he sighed before continuing, "I love you, Max."

I felt my body tense up and it took me a moment to catch my breath. What do I say? I mean, I liked him but this morning just felt strange to me. It didn't feel quite right. I had never been this close to someone before, and it frightened me.

An awkward silence passed between us for what felt like an eternity. I wished he would just go back to sleep and forget about all of this, but I knew the chances of that happening were slim.

It took him a while, but he finally realized that I had nothing to say in return. He furrowed his eye brows at me, looking totally put out.

"You act like you haven't heard that before," he finally muttered.

I turned away and glanced at the sheets. They looked about as worn out as I felt. I pulled them up to cover my chest. I already felt vulnerable as it was, no need for me to be naked too. "You don't know me."

He heaved a sigh and shook his head, dropping it slightly. His golden locks tickled at my skin and I watched him carefully. After a moment, he lifted his head and looked me dead in the eyes. He nodded slowly and bit his bottom lip. "So we're back to this, huh?"

I just glared at him. "We never left."