stay strong (1D fanfic)

chapter 48~ Old habits

Me and luke are now an official couple. I've received alot of hate on Twitter about how pathetic I was and how I'm just trying to date famous guys to be famous myself which is obviously a load of bullshit. I had strong feelings for Harry and now I feel the same towards Luke, why can't people just understand that? I'm trying to be happy but it's so hard to keep a smile on your face while you're falling appart bit-by-bit until you've had enough. As I looked through my twitter account I saw a tweet that completely broke the last little bit of me

"Why would anyone ever like a whore like Nikki? especially a boy like Luke? he's tall, good looking, funny and perfect while she's short, ugly, boring and worthless. I heard that she used to suffer from depression and was suicidal. Why didn't she just end it then?" I ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I collapsed to the floor and the tears came like waterfalls down my face. I threw my phone at the opposite wall and watched it fall appart through blurry eyes. I searched the little cabinets until I found what I was looking for: my blade. Without thinking twice I placed the blade on my wrist and pressed it down before dragging it across. I repeated the same action a few more times and dropped the blade beside me. I just layed there in silence as blood trailed down my arm. I became numb, all the pain was replaced by the feeling of emptiness as the hurt escaped along with my blood. I felt guilty for going back to my old habits. I've been doing so well. When I finally escaped my thoughts I stood up. I was so weak that it was almost impossible to keep balanced. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing I liked. They were right I'm not good enough for Luke, I'm too ugly. I quickly cleaned up the mess on the floor before moving on to sorting out my face, having mascara all down my face may raise some suspicion amongst my friends. When everything was clean I took care of my arm, cleaning the cuts and trying to find a bandage to cover them but I couldn't find any so I wore a long sleeve top instead. I was  home alone because everyone else went out for dinner. I was invited but I said I wasn't feeling well. I heard a knock at the door and ran downstairs quickly expecting that they got back early but I was surprised when I opened the door to be welcomed by a pair of perfect blue eyes and cute dimples "hey babe" his smile made me melt. He stepped inside and hugged me tightly. As he pulled away I amedietly pulled down my sleeves to ensure that he wouldn't see anything. And he didn't.

We decided to watch a film, we made popcorn and settled down on the couch while the 'Hunger Games' started playing. He cuddled up to me and accidentally touched my wrist, causing me to flinch. "What's wrong?" he sounded panicked "nothing just a little cold" I lied and gave him a small smile. We watched the film and when it ended I got up to switch the lights on and turn off the tv and when I sat back down Lukes gaze wandered to my wrists causing me to pull down my sleeves. My actions just seemed to prove his suspicion. He took my arm and tried to pull up my sleeve but I pulled away quickly. "Nikki let me see your wrist" "No" I moved away from him but he pulled me back towards him. I looked into his eyes; a huge mistake. His eyes were filled with tears as he spoke but he wouldn't let them fall. He's too strong "Please Nikki let me see" I placed my arm in his hand and he pulled up my sleeve carefully as if anything he did would hurt me. He looked away and tears started flowing down his cheeks making me fall apart. He looked back into my eyes and the silence spoke for a few moments before he let his own voice break the silence "Why?" was all he could say without his voice breaking. I shifted my gaze to the wall "I couldn't handle the hate. I'm so pathetic" I broke down and placed my face in my hands "No,you're extremely strong. You stayed strong but you can only take so much before you let the pain win. But please don't listen to what they say, I love you and I need you so please don't leave me" he snaked his arms around my waist and I rested my head on his shoulder.  I just nodded and we stayed like that for what felt like hours and my eyelids felt heavy. Before I knew it I fell asleep and the last thing I heard was a soft 'I love you' from Luke.

A.N ~ A bit of a depressing chapter but I promise it gets better! Anyway thanks for reading my lovely potatoes! xx