Knull Meg Hardt, Pappa

Bak Et Hallelujah

After a breakfast of overcooked  pancakes that made Matthew hide a grimace and Alfred drench the meal in ketchup, Arthur piled all three kids into the car and took them off to Alister's for the week. He just needed to be alone right now. Taking care of kids was way too much for him to handle in his condition.
"Dad..." Alfred piped up from the back seat. "Why do we have to stay with Alister for a whole week?"
"I thought you liked Alister."
"Yeah. But a whole week?"
"Yeah. An entire week."
"But Halloween is coming up!"
"You'll be back in time for that."
"What about our costumes?"
"Didn't you want to be Super America or something again?"
"Uhm it's captain America and yeah I am."
"Then I'll just dig that out for you."
"What about Mattie?"
"I was just gonna be captain Canuk again ya hoser."
"Matthew, don't call your brother a hozier."
"You're not my REAL dad."
How did he know?
"Smarten up."
"Non!"
"Speak English in my car, please."
"Fa te faire enculer!"
Arthur almost slammed on the breaks.
"Where the hell did you learn that?"
"From Papa."
"Why the hell did he teach you such awful language?"
"He said it to uncle Gil once."
"Don't...just don't say that again, okay?"
"Why not?"
"It's naughty. Papa would be mad at you if he heard you talk like that."
"Awwwe."
"Don't awe me."
"But-"
"Behave or I'll tell Alister not to give you sweets."
"Oh no." Alfred gasped. "Matthew, you better be a good boy."
"Okay."
"Francis probably dropped both of you on your heads, I swear."
"Don't swear, daddy."
Arthur sighed, pulling into Alister's driveway.
"Do you both promise to be good for your uncle?"
"What about Peter?"
"He's always good. You should take an example from him."
"Peter isn't good. He ate my socks once." Matthew whined.
"When did he do that?"
"A few months ago."
"And you didn't tell anybody? He really should see a doctor."
"See, Mattie, dad thinks your feet stink too." Alfred teased.
"That wasn't what I was talking about, Alfred."
"It's what we're all thinking, dad. I just had the guts to say it out loud."
"My feet don't smell bad, do they?"
"No." Arthur lied. Those things were atrocious.
"See."
"Come get out of the car and go visit Uncle Alister." Arthur turned off his car and unbuckled his seatbelt while both kids took off to God knew where. Why three, Francis? Why did you want three of these things?
And why did Arthur agree?
"You lads get out of my garden!"
What did they get up to so soon? Arthur wondered as he got Peter out of his car set.
"But there's a dog in here!" Alfred insisted.
"What?"
Arthur turned around to see Alister walking across the lawn to where the twins had gathered.
"Holy mother of god. There's a dog in my garden."
"Dad, look! He's eating the cucumbers." Matthew beckoned.
Arthur wandered over, seeing that his child was indeed correct and there was a corgi eating a cucumber in the garden.
"I'm going to call him Potato."
"How do you know it's a boy, Al?" Matthew asked.
"Because it's eating cucumbers."
"You children have a really twisted sense of gender roles but at least you're having fun." Alister chuckled.
"Can we keep him?" Alfred asked. "I've always wanted a dog."
Arthur looked at the pup, thinking. This thing probably had an owner, but it looked a lot like the one he had when he himself was a boy.
"We'll put ads out to see if it has an owner and then we'll see." Arthur agreed.
"AWESOME!" Alfred cheered.
"You're the best dad ever!" Matthew agreed.
"Get that on a tea cup and then we'll talk." Arthur pet his children on the head.
They both ran off after that to play with Potato, the corgi.
"Thanks for taking them, by the way." He turned to Alister.
"No problem. They make it a lot less boring at least."
"Anyway, I've got to go. Here's the little one." He handed Peter to his brother. "Call if they need anything."
"We will. But you have to too."
"No problem." Arthur nodded. He waved as he set out back to the car, hoping that, by the end of this week, he would be back on stable ground.