Hey Angel | Leighade

Chapter Fifteen

L E I G H ' S P O V

Guilt rose up in my stomach as I watched Jade shut the door. Lying to my girlfriend? Not cool but I can't tell her where I'm going. She'll think I'm a loser. I close the book I had pretended to read. Just as I set my book on my bedside table the door swung open.

"You ready, Leigh?" Sarah asked, standing with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I don't have a choice," I spat, climbing off the bed and slipping on my converse.

Sarah looked at me with soft eyes as I walked past her. Tears rose in my eyes but quickly blinked them away. Everyone is either; going to look at me as the sad depressed loser or they'll treat me like a baby.

I strolled out to the car, which is where mum was already waiting. I hesitantly opened the car door and climbed in. Mum asked me a question but I wasn't listening so I stayed quiet. She let out a short sigh and backed out of the driveway.

After a twenty minute drive of silence we pulled up in front of a tall glass building. When we walked in we got a waft of cleaning product and lavender blown into our nostrils. I found myself a seat and waited for mum to sign me in at reception.

"I'll be back when the session is over, okay?" Mum said, handing me a clipboard, paper and a pen, "Fill this out too."

"Okay..." I mumbled and scanned over the sheet.

I clicked the pen a few times before I actually scribbled down my name and birthday. I finished the questions and waited for someone to call my name. After a ten minute wait my name was finally called.

"Leigh-Anne Pinnock," a woman called out and I look up at her.

She had wild ginger hair and thick, black rimmed glasses that hugged her face. I rose from my chair and walked slowly towards her.

"Hello, i'm Dr. West but you can call me Amanda," she smiled, showing off a few wrinkles. She had to at least be fourty-five.

I don't say anything but just nod and she starts walking down the hall. I followed her all the way to the end and we reached a door with her name on it. Amanda pulled open the door and beckoned me to go inside. It's exactly how I imagined a therapist office to look like.

"Take a seat, dear" she says, pointing to the big white chair, "Could you please pass me your clipboard?"

Again, I just nod and hand her the clipboard.

"Okay, these sessions are private and I will not share anything you say with anyone else unless you are a threat to yourself or others and in some cases if someone is a threat to you," she explains while she flicked through the documents on the clipboard.

For the third time, I nod and don't say anything. I could see the annoyance in Amanda's face but she manages to play it off by letting out a dry cough.

"So..." Amanda says, looking through the clipboard again, "What is one thing that made you happy today?"

I let out a gust of air and finally spoke for the first time, "My girlfriend."

A smile creeps up on her face as she scribbles down in her notebook.

"And why did she make you happy?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.

"She came over and comforted me," I shrugged.

"Good, good," she says, writing down more in her notebook.

"What made you upset today?" She questions.

"Well, finding out I was depressed and I lied to my girlfriend," I say, my eyes were fixed on my lap, I didn't want to look back up.

"Okay, I see. So do you think there are ways that can..." her voice trails off while she flips through her notebook, "positive ways that can help take your mind of off things?"

"Reading I guess," I slumped deeper into the seat.

"Great! Reading is a really effective way to deal with sudden outbursts of anger or anxiety or sadness. Now it says here you already have anxiety, correct?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well this is all we have time for today, thanks for coming sweetheart!"

Amanda held out her hand and I took it, to gently shake it. I pushed open the heavy white door and walked down the long corridor back to the main waiting area. My mum was already seated, flipping through a magazine. I stood in front of her, waiting for her to notice.

"All done?" She finally looks up.

For the fourth time in the last hour I nod and she gets up from her chair and walks to reception. I looked around the room, all these people had mental problems like me. Some even as young as seven. At least I wasn't completely alone. Finally mum turned around and we walked out from the giant glass building.

Not one word came from my mouth on the journey home, even though mum tried to ask me about the session. I didn't want to talk, it was tiring. It felt like it took every muscle of my body to even open my mouth, let alone get sounds from it.

We finally arrived home and I stormed up to my bedroom, hoping to avoid any further questions. I slammed the door shut and flopped down on my bed in defeat. I let out a loud sigh and brought my face to my pillow and closed my eyes. They felt heavy from all the talking and movement I was forced to do today.

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, tears poured from my eyes as I came to the realisation that I was depressed. I was going to have to fight of suicidal, angry and sad thoughts everyday. I pulled the pillow over my head and screamed as loud as possible, making Sarah run into my room.

"What's wrong!?" She shouts, running towards.

"I don't want to do it," I cry, sitting up in my bed.

"Do what? Wha-What's wrong?" She says, sitting on my bed, next to me.

"I don't want to have to fight off all these demons. I just want to be normal," I sob.

Sarah's worried face softens and she pulls me into her chest. I let out loud sobs into her chest as she stroked my hair.

"Shh, its all going to be okay."

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New leighade story is on it's way ;)