Hey Angel | Leighade

Chapter Twenty

L E I G H ' S   P O V

Sian-Louise embraced me into a warm hug just as I opened the door. The Pinnock family was having a dinner because 'we haven't seen Sian in awhile'. It was clearly just a sad attempt at trying to cheer me up.

Sian pulled away from the hug and began trying to talk to me. I answered the famous 'how are you' question that everyone seemed to love asking as if they gave a shit about how I was feeling. They just to make sure that they have done something to 'help' and move on with their lives.

A sigh escaped my lips as I shut the door. I made my way to the dining area were everyone was already waiting for me. I entered the room but my phone buzzed from my pocket, making me stop and pull out my phone.

Jade
Hey , can I come over today?

Leigh
Sorry, family dinner party.

Jade
oh okay. I miss you.

Like the cold-hearted Bitch I've been this entire week, I ignore her message as shove me phone back in my pocket. She didn't need me, I wasn't oxygen. I stood in the door frame to the entrance of the dining room. Everybody seemed so happy. An emotion I miss. I took a seat next to Sian, nobody acknowledges my presence. I sigh as I pile some food into my plate that I know won't be eaten. Eating becomes a lot harder when there's a lump in your throat all hours of the day.

"Okay, everyone dig in!" Mum exclaims, clapping we hands together.

I slide back into my chair, just wanting to leave and sit in my room for the rest of the night. Mum wants me to go to school tomorrow so why not get an early nights rest?

I see mouths move but I hear nothing. I see smiles on people's faces, wishing I could smile and laugh without faking it.  The last time I smiled was the beach getaway, which was only four days ago but it seems like it was a lifetime ago.

The noise in the room was getting loud, unbearable. A growing headache pounded in my head. I let out a loud huff as I stand up, slamming the chair I was sitting on the wall behind me. The room fell silent. Every single person in the room eyes were glued to me. I let out another loud puff of air and storm out of the room.

I stomped up the stairs, making sure that every step could be heard by everyone and when I made it to my room, I slammed my door shut.

Depression doesn't just make you sad, it makes you angry. I've been dealing with my angry side all week. That's why mum wouldn't let me go to school and now that I threw that little tantrum, I definitely will not be going tomorrow.

I couldn't control it, everytime something small that would just annoy the old Leigh-Anne, pissed me off to the point of kicking something over or screaming.

I approached my bed and flopped down on it, sucking in a hug breath and breathing out slowly. I dig my face into my pillow and close my eyes trying to sleep but that was never the case.

Why do I matter. Why do I exist. What would happen if I died.

Going to bed was a lonely time so I pulled out my phone to see messages from Jade. 

Jade
Hey, can we talk.
Hey some stuff happened at school.
Leigh?

I felt bad that I was ignoring Jade but I'm scared that I'll hit her or say something I don't mean. I unlocked my phone and went straight to Instagram. I scrolled through, see all these happy people made me feel even more upset and mad.

A knock on my door made my head snap up.

"Hey," Sian was leaning against my doorframe, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Hi," I say shortly and quietly.

"What was that? Mum's upset, thinking she did something wrong," Sian said, walking into my room and taking a seat on my desk chair.

"I was... overwhelmed. Too many people. I prefer being alone," I explained, sitting up from my laying down position.

"Leigh, maybe being with people will make you... less sad."

Angry boiled through me. It's not that easy to fix.

"Wow thanks Sian. You just cured my depression!" I say sarcastically and angrily.

"Sorry Leigh-Anne that I'm actually putting an effort in to fix you!" She raises her voice.

"Fix me? You're trying to fix me? I'm not a broken toy!" I began to raise my voice too, louder than Sian's.

"You are tearing this family apart Leigh-Anne! I have no time for my son! Mum tried everything to help you but you push her away? Why don't you woman up and stop being such a cold-hearted Bitch!" She yells.

"You know nothing about me or depression, Sian! Get the fuck out of my room, I never want to see you again!" I scream at her.

Sian's mouth drops and her eyes widen.  I glare at her until she stands up and leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind her. For a moment I stayed still, shocked that Sian could say such horrible things. Although I didn't like what came from her mouth, it was truthful, I was ruining the family.

A yawn escaped my mouth, signalling that I needed sleep. I've had three hours sleep that past two days so hopefully my body was going to allow me to shut down for a few hours.

I climbed off my bed and walked to my dresser to get out some pyjamas. I slide into some faded light blue sleep-shorts and a light grey top. I walked to the mirror and looked at myself up and down. I didn't recognize myself. My cheeks had sunken into my bones and I had big eye bags. I've lost weight around my thighs.

Jade probably thinks I'm ugliest human being on this planet. I won't be surprised if she breaks up with me soon. But she's all I have. I turned away from the mirror and stared at the phone on my bed. I slowly walked towards and picked up the phone.

Leigh
hey Jade