Hey Angel | Leighade

Chapter Twenty-Five

Mascara was not easy to apply when you are already crying. The only thing that is saving me from having a meltdown was Perrie brushing my hair soothingly while I sat in front of the vanity. Today was the day that I've been dreading, today was Leigh-Anne's funeral. I don't know how I'm going to handle it when I almost killed myself a few days ago. Fortunately, Since that day, Perrie hasn't left my side. She's stay up until she was fully convinced I was asleep, the wake up before me to prepare breakfast and tea. Even with all of this, she has not uttered one word to my parents about the attempt, even though she wanted to. I begged her with my life not the tell them. I was just extremely grateful to have her in my life.

Perrie started to french braid my hair while I applied the last bit of makeup to my face. I stared at myself in the mirror, my eyes fixated on the baby pink heart necklace. I shut my eyes slowly and tried to hold back my tears.

"It's going to be okay," Perrie whispered as she tied the end of my hair.

I let out a shaky sigh as I put my face into my hands. Perrie stroked my braids with her soft fingertips.

"Jade, Perrie, you ready?" Sarah said softly as she walked into my room. I couldn't imagine what she'd be going through right now.

"Yeah," I choked out, getting up from my seat.

I smoothed out my black dress with tear stung eyes. The three of us exited my room and made our way downstairs. Sian-Louise, Mam, Dad, Karl, Debbie, and Jesy were all sitting on the white couch with saddened looks in their eyes. They were all sad because of me.

The group looked up at us and everyone slowly rose from the couch. Perrie and I's arms were linked tightly with one another's. Everybody made their way out to the two limos that were awaiting us outside.

The silence of the car ride was deafening. I didn't dare to look up from the spot on the car floor that my eyes had fixated on. When the car stopped, my heart raced. Did I even want to leave my spot on the leather seat? I'd much prefer to sink into the dark abyss. The chauffeur opened the door and helped everybody get out.

"Come on Jade," Perrie said softly, taking my hand.

Wiping a stray tear, I got up from my seat and climbed out of the car. People were already piling into the chapel. I shook my head and turned away from the chapel but Perrie grabbed my arm.

"Jade, you can do this. What will people think if you don't shown up?" She asked, I looked up into her eyes, which were bloodshot. I nodded while looking away from her. I couldn't bare to see another face that was mournful because of my stupid mistake.

We entered the chapel, the priest getting us and apologizing for our loss. Even though I should be the one apologizing. I looked around the chapel. People were hugging and crying, wiping their noses or eyes with a tissues. I can't do this, what was Perrie thinking. Sadly, there was no turning back now becuase Perrie had a very tight grip on my arm.

There was a row at the very front of the chapel that was reserved for us. How courteous. The guests had already taken their seats. Perrie pulled me towards the front, gently and sat down. Once everybody was seated the priest began his speech. I didn't bother to listen, I couldn't. My hands were sweaty and chest was tightening. And if I heard someone speak Leigh-Anne's name I might just have a breakdown. Soon, he was going to call upon me and talk in front of a crowd. He wants me to talk about the girl I killed, in front of her friends and family. There was no way that could happen, ever. Suddenly, as if he was reading my mind, he called upon me.

I clenched my jaw glanced towards Perrie and Jesy. Jesy mouthed 'we're right here' while Perrie gave my arm a quick and reassuring squeeze. I nodded slowly and rose from my chair. The room was completely silent, just the sound of my shoes clicking against the wooden floor was to be heard. I took my spot at the podium and my eyes darted through the crowd. Not a single person in the room had the slightest bit of happiness. It was so daunting to be standing in front everyone. I opened the folded piece of paper that had my speech written with messy writing.

"H-hello. I'm Jade Thirlwall. I only knew Le-Leigh-Anne for six months but those were the most incredible six months of my l-life," I began, my throat ran dry and I could feel uncontrollable tears welling up in my tired brown eyes.

"Leigh and I were more than friends. We dated. I loved her so much and she loved me. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Inside and out. She was kind-hearted and hilarious. Caring and loyal. There is nobody like her and there will never be anybody quite like her. I hope Leigh-Anne lays in peace, like she deserves. She deserves to be happy. She deserves her fairy tail ending. So I hope somewhere up there, she is-," Now tears were steaming down my cheeks and onto the paper. I pressed my lips together and folded the paper back up.

"And I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for failing her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her I loved her and that I was sorry. I really do," I closed my eyes and held onto my necklace with my sweaty palms.

I took myself back to my seat. Perrie linked her arm around me again and the funeral continued. I wiped away my stray tears that continuously fell down my cheeks. All of a sudden, I was pulled up from my seat. Finally, the hard part was over. The front row walked out slowly while an old lady played the piano.

"That was a very lovely speech, dear," Debbie complimented as we walked out of the chapel.

"T-Thank you," I reply, not bearing to even look into her eyes. I can't look into the mother's eyes of the girl I killed.

All the guests were hugging each other, comforting each other. This would have never happened if I didn't send that message to Leigh-Anne. We'd probably be hanging out and laughing. Instead I'm mourning and crying, without her.

"You're very brave," Jesy said, taking my hand and rubbing the top with her thumb.

"Thank you," I reply, wiping a tear that was rolling down her cheek.

"She would have loved it, really," Jesy continued, her voice was cracking at almost every word.

"Why would she-" I took a deep breath, stopping myself from snapping at Jesy, who was so fragile.

I closed my eyes tightly, and held onto the necklace. I wish I could just wake up and this could just all be a dream. I'd wake up in the beach house, entangled in each other. Laughing and sharing memories. Leigh-Anne wanted a fairytale ending, to her tragic life, she always told me. Running off into the sunset, holding hands with her true love. But this was real life, and nobody got their fairytale ending.

The End.