Hey Angel | Leighade

Chapter Twenty-Three

A shaky breath escaped my lips as I stared my phone screen. Not right now. I read over and over again. The words I said, made her end her life. I failed her. For the four days, I have spent most of my time staring down my phone. Hoping for her to text me that this was all a prank and I'd be mad but relieved but I've also stared at that text message for hours.

A quiet knock came from my bedroom door. My head snapped towards it and didn't say anything. The knock was louder this time. Don't they get it? I just wanted to alone and wither away until there's nothing left of me. The door creaked open and my mam was standing there with a glass of water and my medication.

Turns out I have anger issues. I've always kind of seen it. When we were at the hospital, I kicked over the vending machine as we walked out and the doctor requested an appointment.

"You can't hide away forever," mam says as she walks in and hands over the water and pills.

"I deserve to," I huffed, popping the pills into my mouth and swallowing them with the cold water.

"Jade... for the last time, it's not your fault," she spoke softly, placing a hand on the end of my leg.

I stayed silent as unwanted tears cascaded down my cheeks. Thinking about her hurts, it hurts every second, every minute and every hour. Not one day goes by where I don't wake up thinking about her and when I go to bed. She's constantly on my mind. It was my fault. Nothing will ever change my mind. I killed her.

"Jade. Leigh-Anne was sick."

"And I made it worse," I said coldly, the anger management pills clearly not kicking in yet.

"You didn't. You kept her strong."

"Then tell me. Why is she dead? Why did she decide to have her last breath early?! Because I failed her mam! I failed her! I let her die!" I yelled at her, hysterical tears slipped down my cheeks.

Mam closed her eyes slowly, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She opened them again and moved closer to me on the bed. She pulled my head gently into her chest and began to caress my face.

"You did everything you could darling," Her her voice was quiet and low, "Why don't you go into school today. They're doing a ceremony for L- her."

"O-okay. It wouldn't hurt seeing Jes and Perrie," I said, wiping my tears from my eyes.

"That's the spirit," mam says as she kissed my forehead softly, "I'll drive you too school today."

I nod as I press my lips together. Thinking about the bus stop where Leigh and I first met. I still remember her thinking my name was Jeed. Her soft brown eyes that stared frightfully into mine. I miss those eyes. Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall, I stood up from the bed and started to get ready for the day.

Once I had slid on my jeans and crop top, I made my way to my dresser and picked up my most prized possession. The baby pink heart necklace. I kissed it gently and wrapped the necklace about my neck. I looked at myself on the mirror, with Leigh-Anne standing next to me. Leigh-Anne? Leigh-Anne!

I gasped a hopeful gasp and turned to hug my girlfriend that I had been missing so dearly - to see nobody there. Leigh-Anne was nothing more than a fragment of my imagination now. I raised my foot to kick my dresser but a knock on the door saved the chest of drawers and my foot from damage.

"Ready to go?" Mam asked, smiling.

My eyes flickered to the mirror, staring at the picture of me and Leigh-Anne then back to mam. I hesitantly nodded my head and took slow and shaky steps out of the door.

The ride to school was silent. The silence became deafening when we passed the bus stop. Guilt rose up into my chest and kept rising until it became a lump in my throat. I rest my head on the car window and let my tears fall silently.

We arrived at the school, everyone seems gloomy. Nobody had a smile on their face. I stayed in the car for a few minutes. Mam didn't speak a word as I tried to pull myself together. You've got this, I whispered to myself.

"Thanks," I finally say and gather up all of my things.

I outstretched my hand and opened the car door, hesitantly getting up and out of my chair. The warm summers air was thick and already made me sweat, I instantly regret choosing jeans. I walked with my head towards the school, I could feel multiple pairs of eyes on me. I took a deep breath and looked back up. Everyone look upset, no a single person had a joyful look on their face. It angered me that they all of a sudden care about Leigh-Anne even after they bullied her.

The bell sounded, ordering us to enter the gymnasium for the 'special' assembly. Everyone took their seats on the cold metal bleachers. Jesy and Perrie had run up to me as soon as our eyes locked. We were embraced in a hug for almost a minute, when a reach broke it up and asked us to sit down. Once the room was silenced, the principal began his speech.

"As I'm sure many of you know, we lost one of our amazing students to suicide on the Friday of last week. Leigh-Anne was a charming student. Always had her work in on time and excelled at English and Science. She was a lovely face to see around the halls. Leigh-Anne will be missed and cherished and our own last breaths of air. Can we please have a minted silence in honor of this amazing student," the headmistress spoke.

Everyone bowed their heads and the gymnasium fell silent. This is bullshit! Clearly my anger management pills are not working because I could feel my heart racing inside me. I stood up from my spot on the bleachers and started to stomp down the metal steps, everybody had looked up to see what was all the noise. I marched up the the stage and took the microphone from the headmistress.

"This is fucking bullshit," I spoke into the microphone, a few gasps came from the teachers behind me but I walked around the stage so they couldn't stop me.

"No one person in this room except for three people gave a shit about Leigh-Anne. Now that's she dead you suddenly care? How about when that video surfaced of her getting her head flushed in a toilet? You all seemed happy to share it. Or when she would get verbally abused. None of you guys stuck up for her. Or when Zayn would beat her up. You would all get your phones out and film. You are not allowed feel sorry for her because you all are one of the reasons she took her own life. You hear me?"

I dropped the microphone on the floor and stormed out of the gymnasium.