NEED // Ashton Irwin

A thing?

Lily's P.O.V

The day past and I didn't see Millie once, however Chloe was in 3 of my classes; science, maths and art. We actually got on really well, I hadn't seen much of the other girls only passing them in the halls. Ashton seemed to always be there, whether it was in the halls, in class or seeing him around the quad at lunch and it honestly felt as if fate was deliberately doing this to remind me of how much of a mistake I made.

I really liked Ashton, more than I've liked anyone before. But I was niave to think he actually felt the same way, the kisses we shared mearly a day ago, all the gentle touches, all the fucking trust I gave him were just being thrown back into my face. I'm overreacting I know. What can I say? I'm the jealous type and it's just another thing to hate about being me.

I was walking to the school gates to meet Emily so we could walk home and my thoughts were running wild. It was a dangerous thing that; letting my thoughts run, trust me when I say they are basically a phycopathic killer, so when let loose you're in deep fucking trouble. I looked up to the little tree where we always stood and hovered at the end of the day while waiting for the others and spotted Emily talking to someone, the crowd made my vision obscured so I couldn't see who it was.

Although when the crowd cleared I had a pretty good damn view of Millie, Emily caught my eye and sent me an appologetic look. I approched the pair and hovered to the side for a while, Millie then noticed my pressence and sent me a wide grin, looking extremely giddy. Who the fuck has this much energy on a monday afternoon after 6 hours of school?

"Hey Lil, Millie's going to walk with us." Emily looked hesitant towards my answer but really I was too tired and worked up to give two. The three of us made our way home in awkward silence, as we made our way out of school a familiar black range rover drove past us at a slower pace than the rest of the traffic, I saw a muscled arm stretch out the window and wiggle it's fingers at us in some kind of flamboyant wave. I was mad with this guy but a smile made its way onto my face nevertheless, the curly mop popped out the window, grin set on his face which only made mind grow wider.

"Bye babe!" A voice interrupted my thoughts and made me remember why I was mad at him, I hung my head for the rest of the walk until Emily had to seperate from us to walk home, we hugged and parted. The further I walked with Millie the more I dreaded how close she lived to me, as we turned down my road I dared to ask the question that had been bugging me since I met her.

"So are you and Ashton like...a thing?" I asked quietly, mentally preparing myself for the answer.

"Yeah I guess, I mean we had something a while back before I moved but now I'm back I think we'll just pick up again." A smile made it's way to her face. I couldn't stand any more of her company so I thanked the heavens when we turned up in front of my house.

"Well this is me so...I'll see you around?" I said backing up to my house making a quick getaway. She nodded and headed to the house opposite mine. Are you fucking kidding? I made my way into my house and up to my room, sitting on my bed I put my head in my hands and let the thoughts of my shitty day flood my mind. I silenced my sobs as an idea came into my head.

Lily you're better than that.

No I'm not.

He's not worth it.

But he is. He was worth ever last dime, and more but I wouldn't let myself sink that far so I changed into something more casual and picked up my headphones. I needed to get out of a place that consisted of those four walls and my thoughts. I plugged in my headphones and started walking, the sounds of You Me At Six taking my mind somewhere else.

~

I was sure I had been walking for hours and my battery was slowly dying so I made my way home. Going back up to my room and changing into joggers I then started some revision considering I had exams soon. An hour must have gone by before the hum of an engine could be heard outside my window. I peered out to see a familiar black car and an even more familiar mop of curly hair that was secured by a bandana. Although he wasn't making his way towards the door a few feet below my window, he was strolling towards the one adjacent.

That had just proved it to me, that yesterday was nothing but a quick makeout session to him. I'd had enough of this game he continued to play with my feelings. I quit. The loss filled me up and my mind was somewhere else, making me feel paralysed towards my actions. After I had regained some sort of control over my mind I realised I was sat on the floor of my room, blade in my shaking hand.

I was so done with this shit.

I bought the cold metal against my pulsing skin before closing my eyes and taking a breath as if it would calm me although deep down I knew I wouldn't be able to calm whatever state I was in. My mind became hazy and my vision blurred before I added pressure to the pale skin of my forearm. My eyes locked on th-

"LILY!" My head shot up to see blonde hair, black jeans and a red flannel top which through my blurred eyesight I could only just make out as Luke.

"Luke?" My voice didn't crack like I thought it would but I was realatively quieter.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" His eyes were wide and worried. I then caught my self.

What was I doing?

It was only then the tears flowed. Faster than I knew possible while being held in the arms of someone who deserved better. Who deserved someone who could sit and talk for hours with, who you could go anywhere with. Not someone you had to hold because their mind was too much of a mess to handle their life.