An Amalgamation of Words

i guess

I guess I never really stopped,
I just distracted myself for a little while longer
and smiled a little harder
than before.
I guess I carried on, but prolonged the
periods between each time,
with a better healing process;
I guess my healing process never really
changed, but if I tell myself I did,
then I must've, right? I mean, I'm
better now, totally better.
I guess I got worse, but
what makes you bad makes you better,
that's how it goes, isn't it? I'm sure
that's the saying.
I guess I let this happen, but, I
mean, I just had to feel something,
y'know? I couldn't handle being
so numb anymore, anything works.
I guess I'm never going to change,
but everyone tells you not to change
for anyone anyway, so I've been trained,
so don't change even if you're changing for yourself, okay?
I guess I give bad advice, but I've never
been good at much, except maybe
destroying myself,
slowly,
delicately,
artistically,
yeah, destroying myself, I can do.