'this'

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I've been told I'm 'stronger than this', but what exactly is 'this';
A 'stuck in the middle' kind of this, an 'existential crisis' this?
A 'little unsteady' this, a 'never quite ready' this?
A 'maybe I can't handle it' this, a 'more than I can manage' sort of this?
A 'I'm so tired of trying' this, a 'for fuck sake, just stop crying' this?
A 'fuck-this' kind of this, a 'I'm-completely-done-with-it' this?

Maybe all of this isn't actually a 'this', perhaps it's a 'one-without-a-name-because-no-one-really-cares' sort of this.
Maybe this is what it is, and I'll never really get away from this.
There are only so many things that rhyme with 'this', and none of them are a 'what-I'm-looking-for' kind of this,
So, perhaps I'll just give up on this,
But will this give up on me?

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