gone boy. reddie

01| GONE BOY

"I'm still rocking your hoodie and chewing on the strings. It makes me think about you, so I wear it when I sleep. I kept the broken zipper and cigarette burns, still rocking your hoodie, baby, even though it hurts."

(Hoodie, Hey Violet)

1. Richie,

Eddie Kaspbrak is just a name that will soon be forgotten.

The name is dead and so am I. 

Richie's mind began racing as he read the words on the paper. His heart began to ache at the first two lines. There was a long moment of silence before he picked up the paper once again and continued to read. His eyes skimmed over the first two sentences and he tried to interpret them in his own way. 

If you're reading this, that means I am "missing" or "dead". I don't want you or anybody else to feel sad about me being gone. I just thought it was for the best. Look, I know we had plans to go to New York once high school came to a close but I couldn't wait another year. I know that might sound selfish but living in Derry is like being in prison. The only thing worse than Derry is my mother. Another 365 days of dealing with her, school, Derry, and anything else seems impossible. The only thing that kept me there for so long was you. I would have asked you to come with me, but I didn't want to ruin your life just so mine would be better. 

I didn't want my mom to think I ran away, so all I brought was myself and your hoodie. The one you let me borrow every weekend when we went to that awful drive in. Nobody cleaned up their messes, there was garbage everywhere, it was truly disgusting. I never told you that because I liked hanging out with you for some odd reason. But yeah, that's all I took with me. I didn't even bring my inhaler. 

Richie couldn't help but let a small smile approach his face at the memory. It quickly faded and was replaced with a concerned look. He didn't take his inhaler, he couldn't last five minutes without it, Richie thought. "Idiot," he spoke out loud with a frown. His heart began racing at the thought of Eddie not being able to breathe. A shaky breath escaped his lips and he shook his head. Richie began to panic, the only image running through his head was Eddie all by himself, not being able to breathe and calling out for him. What scared Richie the most was that he couldn't help him because he didn't even know where he was. He forced his eyes back to the paper. 

I didn't know that writing this would hurt so much. You're with me right now and you think I'm doing homework. I really don't want you to view these letters as a goodbye. I mean, what's the good in goodbye anyway?

The next words made Richie want to crawl into a hole for the rest of his life and never come out. He didn't even care if he was forgotten. "I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to you, Rich," the taller boy read the neatly written words as he gripped onto the paper tightly. "Because there's no good in goodbye and there's no good in me without you," he gasped. "You were probably the best thing for me."

Richie couldn't believe what he was reading. He wondered what would have happened if he saw what Eddie was writing that day. Would he convince him to stay in Derry with him? Or would he just say fuck it and follow behind him. He couldn't really think straight, all he wanted to do was change everything. He wanted to tell Eddie that he loved him, maybe he would have stayed if he heard the words come out of Richie's mouth. Hell, maybe he would still be "missing". A part of him wanted to be with Eddie, he wondered what it would be like if he went with him. He knew he would be less heartbroken if he did. Then he thought about Eddie not making it to his destination safely... Would Richie ever find out if he didn't? 

"Beep beep thoughts," he sighed.

Since there is no good in me anymore, I will be killing myself. No, I'm not actually going to jump off a building or put a gun to my head. I'm changing my identity. I'm moving on from everything. I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to be. Consider me the Gone Boy. Eddie is gone. He's gone for many reasons but the main one would be quite simple. The number one reason he's gone is because he doesn't have the trashmouth boy by his side. Everyone in the world knows that Eddie Kaspbrak couldn't live in a world if there was no Richie Tozier in it. 

I'm changing my name, age, and just me altogether. 

I've come to the conclusion that you're okay. I mean, just because I can't live without you doesn't mean you can't live without me. I guess that's why a lot of relationships and friendships don't work out. I always tell myself I was made to be apart of your life. I was made for you but you weren't made for me. 

I'm ending the first letter with a big thank you. Thank you, Richie. Thank you for being my best friend. Even though you were an asshole during most of our friendship, you were the only reason I lasted this long. That means a lot to me, trashmouth. A lot. 

Love, 

Gone Boy. 

Richie sat in his bed, feeling nothing but disbelief. Bill was right, Eddie was out there. Then it hit him, no he wasn't. Even if Richie ever found Eddie, he wouldn't be the same person. His name wouldn't be Eddie, his age would be a fake one that he couldn't pull off, and he would probably be a whole new person. The thought of seeing Eddie but it not really being him, hurt a lot. Richie wondered if he would even recognize him. It had only been three weeks but what if Eddie changed everything? His appearance? His personality? 

Eddie needed Richie, that made the curly haired boy happy. Eds forgot one important thing though, Eddie needed Richie and Richie really needed Eddie. 

A/N: I'm thinking about my life choices. 

Anyway, what do you guys think? I'm still on eh. 

Well, I hope you guys liked it and I hope you guys have an amazing day and night. 

xoxoxoxoxo