gone boy. reddie

08| GONE BOY

"You're the one designed for me. A distant stranger that I will complete. I know you're out there, we're meant to be. So keep your head up and make it to me... And make it to me."

-Sam Smith 

(Make It To Me, Sam Smith) 

4. Richie, 

Something happened. I don't know the full story but I do know that it happened. You and Lizzy broke up. I couldn't believe it, nobody could. What I found hard to believe is that you didn't tell me, you came over last night and you didn't say one word about it. I thought you were acting strange though. I was too nervous to ask why. Mike told me this morning that it was over. He kept telling me it was my chance to tell you how I feel but all the hope came down when Peter walked into the school building and planted one right on my cheek. 

Mike gave me the 'what the hell is this' look and I couldn't explain myself because I didn't even know what was going on. Peter was acting like we were.... together. Does one kiss mean that we're together? I'm so confused, Richie. I really am. Peter is a great person and he makes me happy, but the thought of being with him scares me. I don't want to cling onto someone when I'm about to leave, that was not apart of the plan at all. 

Richie's face began to heat at the words in front of him. "Mike and Ben, hurry up! We still got to pick up Beverly. Will you come on?" he shouted. "We need to go so we can have one of our group meetings." 

The two boys got in the back with Richie. "You know, everything is about to be right in the world," Mike spoke up. "You know about Eddie's feelings, Eddie's gonna know about yours, something's going on with Bill and Stan, Ben's going to tell Beverly he loves her, and I'm-" he paused and thought about it. "And I'm the lonely loser who's obsessing over other people's lives." 

"We're all losers," Ben replied. "Plus, I'm sure you'll find somebody." 

Richie nodded along at Ben's statement and gave Mike a small smile. "If you do find somebody," he mumbled, "make sure that the town doesn't think they're dead." 

I think I like him, maybe it's because he's giving me attention or maybe I just truly do have feelings for him. It scares the crap out of me either way. A part of me wants to like him, so I can move on from you. Then there's another part of me who doesn't want to like him because I don't want to hurt him. He's a good person but there's one problem. He's a bit controlling, which I don't care for. You know I ALWAYS have to be right, I don't mind being challenged but I would hate to be controlled. There's a lot of things (most things are Mike)  telling me not to be with him. Then there's just the good feeling I get when I'm with him. I think I might give him a chance, I really do. Isn't this crazy? I'm finally going to do something different. 

I don't know how many letters I'm going to write you. I just know that it's going to be hard to even think about writing the last one. The last one is the end. It means that everything I've ever lived for has come to an end. I don't mind leaving Derry, I do mind leaving you though. Saying bye to you face to face would be so hard. I guess it's slightly easier on paper. 

Do you think this is crazy? Do you think I'm crazy? Am I crazy for leaving Derry? Am I crazy for leaving you? I want to believe Mike. I really want to. He keeps telling me that being with Peter is going to be a waste of time because my feelings are elsewhere. He keeps saying that I need to tell to tell you that I love you. He won't shut up about the things that could happen if I just open my mouth and tell you the three words. But the thought of telling you my genuine feelings and you not sharing the same love, scares me way too much. I wouldn't be able to face you. I don't know if I would stay or if I would go if you felt the same. I would think about it, that's for sure. 

I get more nervous every time I move on to the next letter. The more I write, the closer I come to the end. I know that I made this choice by myself but I'm still really afraid of going on without you by my side. Derry is the only thing I've ever known, now, I get to see more of the world. I feel ready. I want to do it more than anything else. 

I keep picturing all the things that could happen. Me being absolutely stupid and confessing my feelings for you. You coming to the conclusion that you love me. Us being together. Peter and I being together for a really long time. Everything I have pictured won't happen. I'm trying to get a reason to stay but nothing comes to mind. I've been searching, searching, and searching, yet nothing is holding me back. I have no reason to stay in Derry. I have no reason to love you. I have no reason to be with Peter. I have no reason to do anything, so starting over might just be for the best. It will change everything but it could be worth it. 

Instead of doing my homework, I'm writing this letter. I'm really sad so I picked up my pencil and began to write. I don't feel like doing my work tonight, I just want to talk to someone. I might see if Mike can come over. He's one of the only people I can rant too, he doesn't get sick of it either. I would see if Peter could come over but he does get sick of it. He usually shuts it off after two sentences. I can't say I blame him.

You know what I really like about Mike? He doesn't wait for me to bring you up, he'll just go right into it and ask how I'm feeling about it. Even if it's stupid, he'll let me go on for hours about you. I adore him for that, he's an amazing friend. I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm going to miss him. But Derry is Derry. It's a nightmare and I want to wake up. 

Could you imagine living there your whole life? I know you're going to New York once high school is over but could you imagine that? I couldn't. 

I would never stay in Derry, well, I would if you were. You'd be the only exception, Richie.

Love, 

Gone Boy.  

Richie frowned and sat the letter down. Even though he knew Eddie was safe, he couldn't help but feel pain. He turned towards Mike who sat next to him. Richie gave him a fake smile but it faded when Mike sighed. "I miss him," the curly haired boy confessed. "I really miss him." Even though Mike could barely hear him, he managed to put the words together. 

Mike rested a hand on Richie's shoulder. "I miss him too, Richie." 

A/N: Hey, guys! That was the end of this chapter. 

What do you guys think so far? What should happen? What needs to happen? I think I'm getting somewhere with the story. 

-I DID NOT EDIT THIS CHAPTER-

+ANY OTHER CHAPTER  

I'm going to edit the whole book once it's over. 

Anyway, I hope you guys have an amazing day and night. 

xoxoxoxoxo