Remembering You

Chapter 28

Luke’s voice was so soft, “I don’t know what happened…”

“Luke…” I almost scolded him, but instead my tone came out encouraging, “Remember.”

“I can’t!” He nearly yelled, and I was quick to shush him. “I can’t.” He whispered. I nodded, telling him that he could remember.

Tears started spilling from the corners of his eyes and I was quick to catch him. I needed him to just calm down and talk to me. I knew that it was hard for him to calm down, but it was me. Luke could talk to me. I wanted him to find comfort in me. My body went into some mommy mode that I couldn’t control. Was he high? Still drunk? Did he need medical attention?

“Just… try to remember, okay?” My voice was gentle.

Luke nodded. I was open to him, and kept quiet. My breathing was slow and heavy to try and encourage Luke to take deep breathes. I could see him watch my body rise and fall with each deep breath and he too tried to do it. “I can’t close my eyes.” He told me in a scared voice. “I can’t sleep and if I lay in one place for too long I can’t move.”

“But you moved when I came in.” I reminded him tenderly, “You were able to move then. Why don’t you try closing your eyes for me?”

At first Luke shook his head, “Nuh-uh.” Closing his eyes seemed to frighten him. This is when I realized that he was on something other than air. My chest ached. “I-I moved because you moved me.” His logic made no sense, but I nodded. I guess I could pretend it made sense.

“How about I count to three and you close your eyes.” I suggested, letting my hand drop from his face. My hands rested to support my head between my head and pillow.

Luke was hesitant at first, “Okay.” He stated nervously. When he seemed ready I started counting, and he did too. Once we got to three he blinked then stared at me. “Are they shut?”

“No honey… They are still open.”

He got frustrated and threatened to cry. His breathing started increasing and his eyes started to water. Again he started to panic, “What am I supposed to do… I want to close them so bad I want to go to sleep.”

“Luke!” I said in a stern voice, reaching and holding his shoulder. He twitched but didn’t react as dramatically as last time. “You need to fucking get a grip, dude. Breathe for me. You’re scaring me.” My voice then broke, threatening now that I was going to cry. “Please Luke just calm down.”

Luke stared at me. He wasn’t in fear, but rather he looked sad. “I’m sorry, Mel.” He whispered, glancing down.

Drawing in a large breath I calmed myself again. We were in silence, and I could hear Luke’s labored breathing. I tried to think of what else I could do to help. “Can you give me a deep sigh?” He tried, but only took a louder breath. “No, Luke.” I was starting to get annoyed. Why couldn’t Michael babysit him? Michael probably tried. I then decided to demonstrate, “Like this.” I drew in a large breath and counted to three before exhaling.

He watched with curious eyes then nodded, “Okay.” I smiled and then waited for him to breathe in. I then counted slowly to three. He made it to three then exhaled hard, gasping then for air as if he had been holding it for three minutes not three seconds.

“Good job, Luke!” I complimented him, then told him to do it again. We did this about four more times until Luke’s breathing paced at a normal level. I watched him for a few moments as he breathed. The breathing helped I think because I could feel his body relax more. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

Luke shook his head, “I’m sorry.” He told me.

I thought he was going to start breathing fast again so I just smiled, “That’s okay!” I had a hunch about what happened last night, and I was pissed at whoever did this to him. Thinking for a moment I asked, “Do you want to try closing your eyes again?”