War Front Letters (Lilo Mpreg AU) -Watty Award Winner-

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

(Five Days Since Liam's Letter)

It felt weird to Louis, the feeling of emptiness that swelled in his shredded heart, he felt sick, and his mother was almost certain he'd fallen into depression almost instantaneously, it was weird how Louis' heart worked, how one moment he was planning out the outfit Jace would wear when he attended his sister's birthday with as much love and content as possible to it being shattered into a billion pieces and Louis was suddenly finding himself staring aimlessly down at his wedding ring like it'd help him in some sort of way, like it'd fix his long list of problems. But it didn't, and it wasn't going to because it was only a piece of expensive gold, he wore to show the love he held for somebody, but also to show the many other people out there that he was with somebody as amazing as Liam, as amazing as his beloved husband, who meant more than the world to him, more than Louis could even begin to describe.

The couch had become Louis' permanent area to lay during his 'off week' he'd stay laying in the one position all day, Jace always there, just there really, there to be what his father had, there to be his father's everything, and even though Louis knew his son was still a baby, simply to young to understand the issues Louis was facing, he felt like his baby boy could sense or feel something Louis must of been feeling. Jace had been quiet, so quiet Louis barely heard a noise out of him, he'd lay in the bottom of his crib playing with his toes until Louis came and got him, he rarely cried, but the facial expressions had gone, he barely did anything that made Louis coo over him, and he'd just realized his son was needing him just as much as he needed himself.

"Hey Jacey" he cooed, laying down on his belly as he cupped his hand over his son's tiny stoamch, despite Jace's drool spread around his tiny fingers Louis still let his son wrap his hand around his pinky and grip onto it tightly, wiggling his tiny body around on the warm mat he always had positioned underneath Jace whenever he was laying on the floor. He stared at his son's petite face for a moment before letting out a long sigh.

"You know buddy, I wish you could understand what I'm actually saying, because there is so much I wanna say to you, so much I could tell you. But I just want you to know, when you look up at me when you're older and smile at me like I'm the best thing you've ever seen in the whole, I'm not, he is, he is" he said pointing at the picture of Liam and himself that hung on the wall "So I want you to look up at that large picture and know that I'm nothing compared to your other father, he's more than just that Jace, he's full of bravery and kindness, so when you grow up and people ask who your favourite person is, please don't stare fondly at me, because I'm just-I'm just another regular dad, you need to look up and say "my Pa, my Pa is my favourite person' because he sure as hell is mine, you and him mean more than words could ever describe Jace, and I thank your precious Pa for giving me the part of you, that holds a piece of him" Louis spoke, silent wet tears flooding down his puffy cheeks, before he picked Jace up and cradled his head "I love you baby boy." He hiccuped. Jace created the 'O' shape he does with his lips before shoving his fingers in his mouth, his eyes darting around eagerly.

Louis shifted his shirt up before removing it completely, revealing his newest item, a set of matching tattoos, they sit just above his left nipple, with Liam and Jace's name written in a dark cursive, and just because Louis felt the need, he got a flock of birds that flutter out of a small infinity sign that sits above the cursive writing. He'd gotten it done by Zayn's mate when the raven haired male finally got sick of Louis' constant self pity, he bundled him up and dragged him down to the small parlour, and Louis let himself get inked up. Louis' tattoo though really had a muddled up meaning. Louis had always liked the way he felt free whenever living around Liam, freedom to do whatever he pleased without being judged, and the infinity sign symbolizes 'forever' he'll forever feel love and compassion towards the two boys he now devotes his life too, the two names that mean more than the world to him now plastered above his heart forever.