Emison: Different

{Ch. 17} Trying

Emily's Point of View:

Three Months Later

"Em." Someone whispered. My eyes fluttered open to see Demi stood with a sympathetic smile on her face. She knew I had taken the whole breakup thing hard and she tried her best to help. I was always faking smiles and laughs for her, but most of the time I could tell she knew they weren't real. I wanted to make her believe I was happy, so she wouldn't worry.

However, happy was the opposite of what I was. I was alone. But not just alone; I felt desolate. I didn't have any emotions. After a while, most of the sadness drained from my body. I was still full of loneliness and anger, though the anger was mainly at myself. I shouldn't have let her walk through the door. I should've manned up and tried harder to make her stay. I could've said so many things, yet I was silent. I ruined everything. I was also angry because I let myself get attached to someone way too good for me. After she left, my insecurities rose like crazy and I was left with nothing but self-hate.

I didn't see the point in anything anymore. I only left the house for Demi's sake. I tried and tried to make sure I wasn't slipping into my old habits, but the truth remained that I was getting worse. Everything was getting worse. It was silly how one person could make me feel so low, but there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I put on a fake smile and told everyone I was fine, but my heart was still shattered and the pieces stabbed me every time I breathed.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and plastered a sleepy smile on my face. "What's up?" I asked, pretending to be in a good mood. She was smiling, which signified that she believed my smile was real. I wish I did.

"Nothing. You want to make some breakfast with me?" She offered. My brain begged for me to say no, but my need for Demi's happiness was telling me yes. I was emotionally and physically tired, as sleep was becoming a huge challenge for me. I felt like there was something weighing me down, which made me tired all the time. It was taking all my energy.

"Sure." I agreed, not regretting the decision when I saw the happy grin on her face. "Just... gimme a minute to wake up." I bargained. She nodded her head and left my room. It took me a minute or two, but I persuaded myself to get out of bed for Demi. She was the only person who had kept me going throughout the whole thing. I knew she cared for me and I didn't want to be a burden on her joy.

On that thought, I managed to climb onto my feet. It tried to push all my thoughts aside, as I dragged my feet towards my bathroom. I suddenly became dizzy, so I put my hands on the side of the sink, trying to steady myself. With a few deep breaths, the unusual feeling went away and I was back to normal. It probably had something to do with the fact that I hadn't slept longer than two hours each night for weeks. Sleep was harder than it had ever been. I just kept thinking about everything I'd ever screwed up in my life... that's a lot to think about.

I got ready, before stumbling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. I was wearing an oversized, white t-shirt and black short shorts. As soon as I knew I was in Demi's view, I stood straight and tried my best to put on a big smile.

"Good morning." I said, as I leaned against the counter. She repeated my words back to me and started looking for something to make. She groaned in annoyance and looked over to me.

"We don't have a lot of ingredients. You wanna just make eggs and toast or something?" She suggested. I nodded, knowing that neither of us could actually cook anyway. I was seriouslydoubting whether we'd be able to make that.

"Let's try not to set the place on fire." I giggled, making Demi smile too. I got the eggs out of the refrigerator, whilst she got the bread and butter.

"No promises." I heard her mumble. I giggled again. It was funny how quickly she could cheer me up. I constantly questioned what I did to deserve a friend like her. After I placed the eggs on the counter, I bent down to get a frying pan. I heard a small splatter and saw an egg land on the floor beside me. All of the liquid inside splashed across my legs.

"Demi!" I yelled and giggled at the same time. I quickly stood up and looked down. There wasn't that much yolk anywhere, but I questioned whether it was an accident or not.

"Sorry not sorry." She practically sang, making me giggle again. I rolled my eyes and tried to clean as much of the egg off of myself and the floor as possible. After that, I put the eggs in the frying pan and placed it over the hob. Demi made the toast and buttered it neatly.

"I'm awesome at this." She smiled, proudly. She was only buttering toast, but she made it out as if she had just won a Grammy. She deserved a Grammy. I shot her a weird look and she just smiled, happily. "What's wrong with being confident?" She smirked. That was her favourite line. She said it all the time. I wondered where she got it from, but I wasn't planning on asking. I just playfully rolled my eyes and carried on with the breakfast.

When we were done, we sat at the table and began to eat it. For once, it tasted nice... ish. "Are you doing okay?" She asked me. She asked me that question almost every day and every day I said the same thing.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I lied. I was far from it. However, I really didn't want to bother her. I knew she cared and I didn't want to make her feel bad. So, I faked a smile and did everything I could to make her believe it was real. She normally did, but her face told me that she didn't.

"Look, I didn't want to say anything... but I know you're not fine. I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me what's wrong. You have a certain sad smile and it's one of the fakest smiles I've ever seen in my life. I just want to help you... let me in." She randomly blurted out, looking at me like she was in pain. I felt another pain in my chest. Why can I never do anything right? I asked myself, sighing. I was hurting everyone around me and in the process, I was hurting myself.

"I... I'm sorry." I mumbled. She looked at me with sadness overtaking her features. "I don't even know how to explain what I feel." I finally concluded. It was true. All the words were constantly muddled together in my brain. Nothing made sense. I started with what I could put together. "All I know... is that I'm hurting. Both of my girlfriends left me. They left me in different ways... but they left me. When I was with Alison, I forgot everything about Lexi. It all went away. All the pain, all the fear... Everything went away." I started, already feeling a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. It felt good talking about it.

"I-it's because... it's because I'm in love with her. I've never been more in love with someone that I have with her. I love her so much, it's crazy!" I slowly explained. I was mostly admitting it to myself. I was in love with Alison and I knew that I always would be. That's what hurt me the most.