i n d y l u l u

2.0

DEAR LITTLE BIRDY,

My body is numb and I dont even want to look at you today.

The last day has found us, I can't stop crying. And it occurs to me that the whole week I must have been holding in my breath. Waiting. Waiting. The tears mingle with the ink on this page as the words I'm writing spill away.

Soaking into the next pages. And I cannot even control the whole scene of it, and that breaks me even more. But still I write. Because I don't much care anymore.

I don't know why I never thought to spend more time with you. My time was limited and I did nothing. I was too sad to. It is like suddenly, everything is sinking in. But that's just how it goes huh? You never really realize things until it's too late.

You don't seem to notice that I am sad...but you always have. And I hate that. It is as if you're too excited to understand.

Mum. She's been waiting for this for years now. She doesn't think Im okay...she wants to get me a counsellor...but I don't want one. I don't need a counsellor.

I need purpose. Life.

But I am too dead to die.

Lucy x