june 6th, 1981
Idonia Street, St Paul Deptford, GREENWICH
•••
Dearest little birdy,
I'm graduating in a few weeks and I cannot quite wrap my head around it. It feels scary and exhilarating all at once, I will finally be free, and I may genuinely get a chance to start over properly. I will never see these people ever again in my life.
But that's just it: I will never see them again.
My actual friends, the people I tried to laugh my pain away with. Or the rude by standers, I would never tell them that eventually I couldn't even hear the comments they threw my way, I would never tell the people who despised me that I forgive them but it wasn't okay.
And yet all at once I just have to forget them and move on. There will be college and university now, and paying rent and student loans and trying to figure out how a credit card works. And you. I planned out our whole lives when I first got you, you know. You're supposed to see me graduate, marry, have kids.
Stupid. I know.
I realize how absurd it is that I planned for you to see me do a lot of things my parents should be seeing instead. To be rank, I like you a little bit more little birdy, and I want you to see all those things.
Sadly, I haven't told you that you've only got a week with me before I let you go, and leave on my way. No one will open the window when you try to return.
~INDYLULU
