may 23rd, 1981
Idonia Street, St Paul Deptford, GREENWICH
•••
Dearest little birdy,
Somebody once told me that people are like spirits. I suppose I only understood because I knew he was crazy and so was I. He told me that we float through life like nothing really matters, and when it does matter, we break down and die a little bit inside. That a piece of us is given away to the stars as time goes by, until our beings have nothing left and we just dissipate. We disintegrate and join the sky and that is why the night looks so beautiful. Because that's where everyone goes when they become a misty spirit.
I will never forget that theory, there is a comfort to it. Realizing that when you die, there's a possibility that you float into the sky and become the stars that guide people home. You become something important. I will tell it to my children, and my children's children and they'll pity that I look down on myself so much but I wont care because it'd just be simple truth.
You're becoming weaker and I'm becoming afraid that you might leave me. The thought of you leaving has me wondering if animals can join the sky, but a part of me feels like you replenish the earth instead. I almost feel as though I'm becoming weak with you. It's crazy but I love to think our souls are somehow intertwined, like in The Golden Compass...how you are my demon and we are one...if you die, I go with you.
I depend on you so much. When mama isn't feeling like herself i always talk to you instead, so as silly as it is to say this, please don't die like mama said you would. I know I'm a grown lady, I'm not twelve anymore and miracles don't just happen but it doesn't hurt to believe in a little bit of magic so please, please stay.
I might love you.
~INDYLULU