The Fuckgirls' Secret

Page|40: With capital-big-bold letters, YES.

"What was that for?" I asked him once we're inside his tent. I'm talking about the kiss.

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you kiss me there?" I asked again.

"I told you, go with the flow with me. I'm going to make him jealous, Amy."

"But clearly he's not. So let's just stop this. Let's stop this making him jealous act. I don't care anymore. Can't we just be honest with each other?" I sat on the sleeping bag.

"I am being honest." He stated.

"And why did you ask him about the ice cream? That's weird." I chuckled.

He took a seat beside me. "Oh, nothing.. just what he does in the past."

"Okay." I whispered.

"I am going to be honest with you, starting from now."

Now. Now. Now. Just now. I know he lied to me, but does that simple statement mean he wasn't honest with me all this time?

"So, you weren't honest with me all the time?" I asked, my face scowling at him.

"No, no. I mean, about my feelings." He whispered the last part.

"What about?"

"I like you, Amy. I'm...I-I..really like you. I've never like girls like how I like you." He confessed, and my heart jumped out my chest.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked to which he nodded in answer.

"It felt good. I've never hit on girls again after I realized that."

"Then, why try to help me with your bestfriend?"

"Because he's in love with you since our freshman year."

Wait. He does know about Brandon and I?

"If I want to be honest with you, then I'll tell you the truth. Just promise me you won't get mad."

"I can't promise that."

"Okay." He said, then continued.

"So, I am Brandon's bestfriend since gradeschool. My family is friends with his. We sleptover, shared toys, do stuffs little boys did. He's the good boy, I'm the opposite." He sighed then continued. "Still, we have each other's backs and I'm greatful for it. I am so pissed when my dad always told me to be like Brandon. Do what Brandon does, or how he wishes to have Brandon as a child instead of me. Can you believe that? My own father? So, when we enter freshman year, I saw Brandon failed at his subject and I told my dad, and my dad told his dad.

"His parents weren't mad. I thought, they should be mad because he failed! He failed! But they never got mad at him, instead they asked him, encouraged him to study harder and to ask someone who could help him learn. That's when you entered."

"So you knew me, ever since..." I asked him.

"Yeah."

"That time, he stopped coming over at my house, and I wondered why. I followed him to school once, and find out he was still hanging with you, with you instead of me. That's when I notice him smiling all the time. He's head-over-heels in love with you. You were his first love."

You were his first love.

You were his first love.

You were his first love.

It's weird, because I felt the same way, back then.

"When I asked him earlier about the ice cream, it was all about you."

"Wha- How?"

"After he confessed his feelings for you to me, he made a deal: to eat ice cream every night, and he will never stop unless he confessed it to you or he found another love of his life."

"He answered 'no.' That means, he stopped loving me right?" I chuckled lightly. He stared at me deeply with his ocean blue eyes, that sparkles with the light. He nodded in answer. His hands found mine, and it's warmth enveloping my whole body.

"Well, that's great." I answered back. "I'm happy you told me the truth. Thanks." I leaned on him, closing my eyes. I felt him kiss my head as he covers me with his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The night was colder than I thought it would. I put myself inside the sleeping bag, cover again with a blanket but I still felt cold. I was afraid to tell Jake to scoot beside me and put his arms around me, that would be weird right?

I kept tossing and turning, finding the most comfortable position when an arm hugged pulls me.

"You cold?" He murmured. His voice groggy and husky.

"Uhm.." I answered, can't speak because the cold was numbing my body, my teeth clattering.

"Come closer." He whispered, and I obeyed, wanting and needing his warmth. And I was correct when he hugged me from the back. I wondered if he thought the same. Am I giving him warmth or comfort too? I smiled as I snuggled onto his arms.

Is this the feeling of being in a relationship? If this is this comfortable then I would want it with Jake. I'm just too afraid to open my heart again to him and just have it shattered ten times worse. Maybe, being friends with him will be okay. No commitments. But I doubt I won't be hurt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Guys, wake up!" Someone shouted from outside the tent. My eyes went wide open and I took in our position, it was still the same last night, except the blanket was crumpled down our feet.

"Jake," I whispered as I push his arms off my chest. God, he was heavy. How could a tall lean man be heavy like this? He doesn't move nor stir. "Jake! Move!" I shouted, not caring if he would be agitated by my nagging. I really want to get up and see why Courtney was shouting.

I pushed him with all my might and luckily he was shoved to the other side. I got up and open the zipper of the tent.

I was welcomed with the sight of Oliver grilling hotdogs and Courtney setting up a picnic blanket in the middle. I smiled at her after murmuring a 'Good morning' to the both of them. Brandon and Alicia was out of sight, I wonder if they're still inside their tent doing whatever God knows what.

I rolled my eyes at the thought, then approaching Courtney, helping her with the setting.

"Sleep well?" She asked. I nodded and she smiled sadly. Maybe, she still ships me and his cousin. Her thought was now impossible, now that Alicia is in the picture.

I was holding paper cups and plates when she continued: "Do you still like him? I mean my cousin?"

I watched her as she placed the cooked hotdogs on the plate. I didn't answer and I hope she got the hint. That my answer was yes. With capital-big-bold letters, YES.

I still like him, though I'm scared our friendship would shatter if we go on with our feelings, and look at us now, we haven't even had a relationship for once and we are already messed apart. I want to talk to him, ask him if are we still friends because it doesn't feeli like to me. He's been ignoring me for too long.

For too long.

And now that I've made up with Jake, and we are completely, utterly friends now.. I guess I need to make things right with Brandon too, before we graduate. Before it's too late.

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