Don't go || m.c

19

I thought when you're sad it's meant to rain, that's what happens in movies anyway but the sun is still shinning down on me and this empty playground. I hear the guys laughing but at the same time I don't hear it, it's as if I have two minds, the reality one where everything is normal and continues to function as it always has done and always will, and then there's the inside one, the truth, where everything isn't alright even though everything on the outside seems fine, where everything hurts because your friend just predicted you wouldn't have a bright future.

"Lil?" My name is called by someone from the 'reality mind' but I don't reply because I'm stuck in the 'truth mind' my body trembles as I clutch my knees tightly to my chest as I sob silently. "Lil," my name is repeated and this time comes with two arms wrapping around me, I still don't respond, I continue to stare blankly at the road, trying to imagine a bright future where I have a successful career but all I can see is the road through my tears.

"Hey dude, she's been there for 10 minutes," another voice says, 10 minutes? That seems like such a small number compared to the 600 seconds, each seconds seeming to last a decade, 10 minutes is such a short time to feel like it's been 6000 years.

"Lil, I came to get you, are you alright?" Harry hesitates, he always knows what to say when someone is upset except if I'm the one upset, he would never ask if they were alright because he knew, he'd sit with them and talk or sit with them and be in silence or hug them and let them cry. The first time Harry saw me upset he tried to do all of those things but I said not to, he learned I was different, he has only seen me horribly upset three times before today and they've all ended in sex but right now even that sounds like a bad idea.

The two arms wrapped around me move to pick me up, one arm under my knees and the other behind my back, I hide my face into the grey sweater that Harry is wearing without saying a word. I'm placed gently in the front seat where Harry puts my seat belt on and I return to clutching my knees.

"Lil, you're scaring me," Harry expresses his concern as he drives off, I don't reply, "I get it if you just want to be silent but I'd really appreciate it if you talked to me."

"Promise me you'll be completely honest with me if I ask you something?" I say with an even tone, I've stopped crying and if I wasn't trying so hard not to cry, I might actually be proud with having a steady voice, even though it doesn't hold any emotion.

"I promise," Harry whispers, as if saying it quieter would make it not as legit but I don't bother questioning him on it.

"Where will I be in 10 years do you honestly think?" I can't bring my self to look at his expression so I stare at my lap, turning my hands around, trying to fasten the time Harry takes to think about my question.

"I don't," he pauses but not his usual pause, a pause that means he isn't going to answer, he can't answer, he doesn't want to be mean but he promised he wouldn't lie, "Lil..."

"Don't worry," I say, still looking at my hands folded in my lap, frowning to stop the tears.

"Okay then, how do you honestly see yourself in the future?" He asks, bringing the question back to me but I don't mind, I spent those 10minutes waiting for Harry on thinking about my future, "wait," he says before I can answer, "in relation to me."

I hadn't thought about Harry, "I wont be in your future," I decide to focus on his future more than my own, "you'll graduate, get a good, steady job and find the girl you love, you'll get married to her and have beautiful little children and they'd ask you to talk about school and you'll tell them about class and friends and maybe I'll get a mention but that's it, I'm no longer a person but a memory, you might say, "we had lots of fun, we watched movies and stayed up late" but you wont know where I am, you probably lost me after collage, you tried to bring me with you into your future but lets face it, the people in your future wont accept me, they can't, I don't fit in your future Harry.

I take a breath, I'm glad he didn't interrupt me, he's the only person I know that doesn't butt in to defend themselves or tell you you're wrong and I'm so happy for that.

"I hope you don't turn into a memory," Harry's voice cracks and I glance up at him, I hadn't noticed he was crying, I'm so shocked, I didn't expect to make him cry and I don't know what to say, he pulls over and wipes his eyes, trying to laugh.

"Let me drive," I say when he fails to stop the tears spilling on his cheeks.

He obliges and gets out of the car to walk around to my door while I jump across into the drivers seat, we drive in silence but silence is just what we both need.

When we're a block away from my apartment Harry speaks up, "can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," I say sounding distant due to my focus being on the road.

"Where's Michael been?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen him since Sunday."

"Didn't he come to mine and Niall's place?"

"Yeah and then we left early," I say, trying my best to sound casual and not draw attention to it but I think I tried to hard and made it more obvious.

"Ooooohhh," Harry hums like a 5th grader.

"Shut up," I groan but laugh anyway.

"So did you make it home or did you do it in the car?"

"Harry! What even? You don't just ask that!" I exclaim, I'm use to him talking about my sex life but I still don't like people being invasive.

"It's a genuine question, see if someone were to ask that about me and you I'd tell 'em to fuck off but then I'd call out and say, if you really wanted to know, both!"

"What does that have to do with this?" I try and deflect talking about Michael.

"I'd still answer the question."

It's quiet for a moment and I pull up next to my apartment, while I'm taking the keys out of the ignition I say, "if you really must know it was on my bed."

We go inside and I'm surprised to see Jade siting worriedly by the door, I hesitate for a moment as she jumps up and hugs me, "what's going on?" I ask.

"I forgot to tell you," Harry says rubbing the back of his neck, "I called Jade as soon as you left my apartment and told her what happened."

"Jade, I'm okay now, I'm fine."

"Niall is such a dick sometimes," she says pulling back from me.

"Yeah," I say even though I disagree, I'm just to tired to try and explain he was just being honest about me, "I might just go to bed."

"Lil, it's only five thirty."

"I'm just really tired," I say and go to bed.

Michael's POV:

I watch as Lil runs out of Harry's apartment, she walks off crying, I really want to run after her and ask if she's okay, What! what am I thinking? I have to stop. I walk after her, trying to keep a safe distance, she goes in a different direction to her apartment for some reason. I follow her all the way to Matty's house, I walk past and knock on his front door.

"Hey, what's u-" Matty answers the door but I push past and run upstairs, he follows me, calling out, asking me what I'm doing.

"Shhh," I whisper as he catches up to me, I make my way over to a window and watch Lil through the window, why is she crying? Eventually I get up and leave, I walk straight past her, hoping that she sees me and runs over to me but she doesn't notice my presence at all as I walk past, I don't look back.

A/N: I know this is shorter but idk, I wasn't going to have this chapter but then I decided I would, I might have some other people's point of views, comment who's you would want and I might do a whole chapter from just their pov :)